My Frankenfinger

Last Saturday Charles and I went paint balling. We went with our friends Meghan and Justin with a groupon. I found out a couple things that day.

1. Getting hit in the head once, and also 4x by paintballs is intensely painful.

2. Paintball is an expensive hobby.

3. Groupon can save you lots of money for your expensive hobbies- $25 each instead of $60.

4. I'm a little trigger happy.

5. When it's broiling hot outside and you layered against injury, you should bring water.

6. Don't leave your extra half bag of paintballs on the table, little felons will steal them.

7. It isn't wise to try and sneak off your field using the empty one next to it when another group is about to go in. You will get caught and have to walk all the way around again.

I got stitches for the first time today. Five of them. Pete took a picture of us, but it wasn't flattering, so I'm not going to post it. You know what I look like.

It happened as I emphatically cleaned my Cutco spreader this morning. It still happens to be in the sink, since I looked inside my finger and saw China. After that, I called my sister who luckily lives quite close. 

Turns out I'm a baby. The doctor told me to calm down my lamas breathing until he'd actually started. Honestly, when he injected my finger 4x at the base I felt extremely uncomfortable. After that it was smooth sailing. Still, going to the doctor is the worst. I told Charles I'd thought about super gluing it. Stellar husband that he is, he hid the super glue. I'd better find it before my next emergency. What if I need it?

And now, how will I ever live this down? Charles already won't let me open cans, since I regularly cut myself on them when rinsing them for our recycle bin. Speaking of the bin, I need to take it out when I get home. Be safe out there, all you knife and can users.

Screaming in my head-

Have you ever experienced that? I often scream inside my head. It doesn't happen now as much as it did on my mission. 

For example, yesterday when I received a call about my car costing loads of money to fix. That caused me to scream inside my head for a little while.

My most vivid experiences of inner screaming happen when I am required to do something I do not wish to do. Life happens and you roll with it. Sometimes, you scream inside, but you still do what must be done.

You might wonder what sorts of things make me scream in my head. You have been frustrated before, but have never screamed in your head. Let me enlighten you.

1. Anything that demands debasement or complete humility spurs me into inner commotion. I am a nice person most of the time, but am quite stubborn. Sorry friends. When I am right, but others won't admit I'm right, I get angry. Pride is a terrible burden to maintain. 

2. When we milked the goats and they stepped into the bucket, nullifying all efforts to extract worthwhile goods from them, I would scream inside my head. It's easier to scream on the inside, because then you don't startle others.

3. At times when others misinterpret what I have said to them, I feel frustrated and quite internally vocal. Everybody wants to feel validated.

4. Bossy. I'm bossy. I hate it. What do I hate more? People bossing me around. I can't manage to not be angry when someone is persistently and indelibly bossy with me.

5. If I feel cheated. Road rage is another name for it. It happens when I'm late for an event and it's someone else's fault. My eyes bug out and I sit in stony silence as my rage consumes me. Also happens after I've spent loads of money on anything: a car, the doctor, 

6. Boredom. Especially if I feel that I am waiting and need to take care of many things. Like waiting at a car place when you have a million other errands, but you can't do them without your car. 

7. Bugs. Especially earwigs and roaches. Never mind. That's more of an external scream.

Charles helps me remain calm by telling me to breathe and answering his phone whenever I call him. He's a nice guy. I love him. I also know when other people are making me crazy, we can laugh about it later. Together. 

Last week my sister America commented that he loves me in spite of the fact I'm crazy. He yelled out that he married me because I'm crazy. Boom boom ain't it great to be crazy. Boom boom ain't it great to be nuts. Boom boom ain't it great to be crazy. Silly and foolish all day long. Boom boom ain't it great to be crazy.

Checking out San Luis Obispo

Charles and I went to San Luis Obispo last week. 

1. After passing a group of youth, one of them called out "You'll have a beautiful baby." I don't know if they were talking to us, since I didn't turn around. It didn't occur to me they might have been until about 2 minutes later. I could have turned and said thanks. So I'll do it now. Thanks. Or she could have been saying it to her friend. In that case, congrats to her. Or was she saying I looked pregnant? If I could be sure I'd find her and make her pay a rudeness tax.

2. Driving to Pismo beach Friday afternoon, I looked over to see a white billy goat crammed into the back of a tiny car. I admit it, we took our goats around in our car when we had them. However, this goat was crammed into the back seat with his head crammed into the driver's seat. Let me draw you a picture... It obviously doesn't do the goat's cramped position justice. I wish Charles had seen it. He loves goats.

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3. Sand crabs are vicious but our feet are so soft.

4. Walking to lunch we were behind two ladies in spandex. An hour later, walking back to the car, they were again right in front of us. Weren't so sneaky, were you, spies.....

5. We booked our hotel on Priceline for $50 a night. Unfortunately, since we didn't specify we wanted a No smoking room and they were booked fully for the weekend, we got a smoking room. That means we were assailed by noxious fumes every time we walked into our room, and sometimes in between. We brought a glade spray in from the car and sprayed it intermittently. Perhaps Febreze would have worked better.  I see their braggy commercials every day.

6. Professor Plum's shifter again went out. $680 later, we have decided to get a different car. Maybe a newer car would be more loyal to us and not demand loads of money to be dropped on it at all times.

7. The Lord loves us because we could have been stranded far from home, but the shifter went out 2 miles from our mechanic's shop.

8. Watched Captain America. Loved it. Loved seeing it for $4 on a Tuesday at 7 pm.

9. Am still wondering why there are always shoe marks on the toilet in my workplace bathroom. You're not supposed to stand on the seats people, you're supposed to sit on them. Get a seat cover if you want to feel safe. I'll bet if you fell off your toilet perch you would get mightily injured.

10. Just ate rice, sushi, and salmon for lunch. Feel quite tired. I thought it was the gluten, but I guess I was wrong.

11. I haven't yet made Easter plans, but in my dream last night we had a church primary program. The kids were everywhere, the congregation was small, and we weren't very prepared. I mostly experience dreams set during church or school. I have many where I can't remember my locker combination.

Recklessness-

Have you ever:

1. Thought  your diamond ring might shatter the glass on your shower doors?

2. Tried spitting out your car door and not rolled it down first? Or not rolled it down quite enough?

3. Wondered why that one eyelash is straight when all the other eyelashes got the memo and curled, even though they all are coated with the same amount of bat poop

4. Imagined having twins or triplets? Taking two or three car seats in and out of your car every time you want to go someplace?

5. Dreaded having your front teeth knocked out and pictured the fallback.

Me neither. However, those hypothetical happenings are the reasons why I:

1. Check the glass I hit right after, to make sure there are no cracks

2. Always just open my door and spit straight down into the road, and keep napkins in my car in case of emergency

3. Made a note to double check all my eyelashes are on the same page before I drop my mascara applicator.

4. Panicked a little about having kids but consciously enjoy all the me time I currently have.

5. Always use the railing when descending stairs and avoid skateboards.

Dude. This morning I saw a car change lanes 9x, in two miles. I wouldn't have noticed, except they changed lanes right in front of me. Then right back to their lane. Then the blinker immediately turned on again to come into my lane. 

So I sped up. No way was the crazy lane changer coming back into my lane in front of me. Three cars back, the white acura came back into my lane. Then into the other lane. 5 minutes later I looked back and they were behind me. Then back in my neighbor lane. I thought, what the heck is that car doing over there? Right when I witnessed this last touch of madness, Whackura changed back into my lane. Then two more lane changes and he was out of my sight.

Listen man. No matter how many times you change lanes during stop and go traffic, you will not go any faster than the other cars. Wicked dumb man. Wicked dumb.

Should I watch it?

1. About a boy- Yes. Surprisingly good. I like the actors' chemistry together and the underlying theme is positive. I don't get annoyed by the characters like I do on other shows.

2. Growing up fisher- No. Seems like a copycat of The Goldbergs, with the kid's voiceover. Except the characters annoy me, so it's not going to happen.

3. Chicago PD- Yes. Interesting, intriguing, good plot development. I know it's a sister show that works with Chicago Fire, but it's always weird to see the Chicago Fire people on that show.

4. Mixology-  Yes. It's based in a club. There are multiple stories so you don't get bored, and it's engaging. I would not watch it with my children, since it's all based in a bar scene. 

5. Resurrection-Maybe yes. It's pretty interesting so far, but I'm undecided about whether I'll continue on. I have to see where the plot goes. It's like a show made about Flight of the Navigator.

6. Naked & Afraid- No. Why would you watch a show about people getting dropped in the woods with no clothes or food? Sounds terrible. 

7. Sirens- No. Not the greatest show. Exceedingly crude parts in the first episode, so I had little desire to watch it again.

8. The 100- Yes. Looks interesting. It's about 100 kids from juvie sent to recolonize/investigate a nuclear earth 97 years after it was torched.

9. Star Crossed- Yes. It's about aliens recolonizing on earth. Romeo & juliet with tattoos.

10. The Tomorrow People- Yes. If you are interested in mind power shows, you will enjoy this. A little bit explicit.

I've been getting lots of calls from telemarketers this week. So I put my phone number and Charles' on the do not call registry. Did I think that had already been done? Yes I did. It's ok, I did it again, just to be safe. I hate when weirdos call my phone. 

Also, I've been brought a slice of recognition by my sister Bon. She has recently been focused on the effects of certain foods on her Bon bod. She has cut certain foods like gluten and dairy from her team. I, though a stubborn sort of person, have decided to cut down, if not cut out gluten from my diet. My self control is quite low when it comes to sweets, so cutting out gluten isn't a believable option. I will try to be better though.

I have lots of fashion savvy friends and family. Here is a little taste of what they have to offer. I know, I'm surrounded by talent.

https://www.etsy.com/shop/ZinniaRose?ref=search_shop_redirect

https://www.shopinsidemycloset.com/

https://www.etsy.com/listing/174949208/reserved-listing-for-merilee-the

Meet my new friend, the french braid. I know you believe I'm no stranger to braids. However, I've never fully realized the ultra prowess of the single french braid. Now my hair is long enough to hassle me when it's down, and sometimes when it's up. I wore a hat yesterday because of my flyaways. I guess this means I need to get my hands on some gel, maybe hairspray, and probably a headband and barrettes. I've been neglecting my barrettes. 

If I had a billion dollars

As a March Madness follower, I have been following on the excitement coattails of my older brother Neal for years. Every year we do family brackets, and I always lose. Before that, I remember filling out a bracket for my dad's company party and winning a mini flashlight, for getting the worst score out of everyone involved. I was pleased to win anything for filling out my March Madness picks as randomly as I could.

Neal usually gifts a cool prize to the winner and the runner up. He'll mail a shirt, a check, or candy. It's more random than the actual winning team of the bracket. I somehow always fill it quite poorly, but due to my streak, I'm never greatly surprised.

This year, I did three brackets. One is a family ESPN bracket, another is a work group bracket, the third is a Yahoo Billion $ bracket. To win the money, you have to make an almost perfect bracket. BYU lost, so I'm already out of the running for a perfect bracket. Bummer.

I have had some time to count my chickens before BYU dashed my chances of winning. I should have followed my gut and struck them out on the first round. My poor alma mater hasn't been doing very well lately. Anyway, if I'd won, I'd have a lot of things to change in my life.

First off, when you win lots of money, other people believe you owe them money for being such great friends to you. You might owe them money for prior free favors. Maybe even for encouraging you to join the event. How much is enough? If I won a billion dollars, don't I owe my friends and family members a large cut of this money? Can you say conundrum?

Honestly, it would be sweet to come into some serious money not of your own accord. However, the complications of winning all the money you could ever dream of would seriously mess with your life.

What would I do with a billion dollars dumped on me at once?

1. I would pay my tithing. That's a given, then I could do whatever I wanted with the rest. $1 billion minus $100 million

2. Taxes. That's another given. The government is greedier than anyone else when it comes to mistaken entitlement. $900 million minus $334 million

3. $565 million left and I haven't even given any away to my new friends. I have nine siblings and parents and my husband has four siblings and his mom. We'd probably give them some money to help them out. Let's say $300 million. That's $300 million/15 = $20 million each. 

4. $265 million, I should probably give $1000 to each of my coworkers, since they told me to do the bracket in the first place. $265 million minus $20 thousand. The problem with giving people money, is everyone wants a piece and there are always more people coming out of nowhere. Where do you stop? Family, close friends, acquaintances? Everyone needs money.

5. $160 million to give million dollar endowments to 160 different charities. That's $264,985,000 minus 160 million. That's $104,985,000.

6. We'll say $105 million to keep this simpler. We are now down to the last 1/3 of the money I won for nothing. I have 6 aunt/uncle couples and Charles probably has another 4. $100 million divided by 10 is $10 million each to them. I would hope they'd distribute parts of that to my cousins, whom I also love. 

7. $5 million left. I'd put $3 million into an interest bearing account/invest it

8. $2 million. Seriously? That's still a lot of money.  Hopefully we'd make some plans to buy a modest house and take care of some hobbies. We'd probably buy a house and two dependable cars. $500,000 + $50,000. 

9. What do you do with $1 million? Go on a couple trips, buy some serious food storage, donate some more of it.

10. If I had a billion dollars...

 I'd be rich.

What would you do with a billion dollars?

Hairpieces

After watching the show Mr. Selfridge, I have decided to do more 1890's hair. Or 1900's hair. You know how it goes. However, I think in order to get the effect I truly want, I'd have to wear a hairpiece. So let's discuss my hairpiece. 

I'd like it to be brown. It should be silky and soft, just like my natural hairpiece. Except today it is dirty dirty. That's what happens when you wait a while to water your hair garden. 

Hey, last week Charles and I celebrated our Reconciliation Day- the day we got back together after our month long break up. It was a rough month for both of us and we're really happy to be working on the same team now. Go team Awesome!

My friend Meghan gave me some milky ways, so I made a little treasure hunt with cards and hid them around the house. Next time I'll be more creative with the clues- he went straight to each of them. He's very intelligent and picked up on the clues immediately. I will up his level next time. 

He ate all the candy immediately of course and we worked on the chocolate cake for a little while.