Toiletiquette

Have you ever been in a single-use public bathroom? Be it a restaurant, gas station, or medical office, people can get pretty insistent when the door's locked. At my workplace, there are two single-use bathrooms next to each other. It is uncanny (get it?) how often people try to bang down the door while it is in use.

Here are some ideas for what you can say when a person is trying to beat down the door while you are indisposed:

1. Hellooo. It's me- Please say this in Adele-esque way or the desired effect will be lost

2. Come on in, the water's fine- That way they will know someone is in the room they wish to use. With this phrase, they will also know the person using that room is not selfish.

3. Wait your turn!- I put the exclamation point on there, because you should probably yell this for best effect

4. Can I help you?- This shows the person on the other side of that door how compassionate you are. Not only will they be comforted by this knowledge, you can check helpfulness off your list for the day.

5. Don't come in here! The zombies have invaded through the roof!- Yelling useful tips to the person outside will also help them gather valuable information during their long wait outside.

6. I need another 10 minutes to make my hair look perfect!- Everyone understands what bathrooms are used for. Some people just need a quick reminder.

7. Who is it?- If they respond, at least you'll know who the impatient person on the other side is. This could be helpful for the next time the bathroom is locked.

8. Animal noises- You can have lots of fun with this one. However, just be ready to walk past that person when you leave the restroom.

9. One moment please- This is probably the most polite response. Sometimes they still rattle the handle after you speak to them; connotations imply an emergency.

10. Sorry! You can't come in! The door's locked.- This is the common knowledge answer.  Now you're both on the same page. If you are at a gas station, you can also add "The key's in here with me!"

11. - Silence. This will leave them wondering. Be prepared for additional handle rattling and perhaps a surprise entrance from the janitor with the handle shaker peering over that sweet janitor's shoulder.

I'm sure you have some great ideas yourself now. Don't get too crazy, you never know who will be on the other side of that door.

Talk about SLOW

You're probably going to want to add this to your breakfast menu tomorrow. Thanks for making me these delicious green eggs and ham! Looks like a Sesame Street monster. Or a fried alien.

 These are my two purses- past and present. I used to have this lovely brown item on the left. When the straps broke, I used lanyards. At the craft fair, I found this lovely flowered carpetbag piece. It's probably about 3 pounds lighter to carry around and is quite roomy without three compartments getting in the way. Thanks for Christmas gifting it to me Holly!

This is the elf on a shelf I made for my sister. His name is Hebert. She decided doing an elf on the shelf would be too much of a hassle. So out of a laziness similar to my own, she denied this sweet elf his vocation.

After he got fired, Hebert just lounged around my house without his hat and boots. Look how sweet he is. Anyhow, he is packed into our Christmas box to make his comeback next year.

Perhaps he will end up in various places around our house next Christmas. We shall see what he gets into. If he eats all the chocolate, we're going to brawl.

My 2016 To-Do List

1. Passports- now that Christmas is over and we don't plan to fly in the next couple months, passports are going to be a new required ID to fly from California to other states. It seems so ridiculous, and yet since it costs $110 to order a passport, also an easy way for the government to make some extra cash. Thanks for that.

So if you want us to visit you in the next couple of months, give us 6 weeks notice- as that seems to be the estimated turn around time for passports these days. California did ask for an extension and there is a 3 month grace period for people to get passports, so April. Yes, April.

2. Materialize- I have been blessed with artistic gifts and about 5 boxes of creative materials. People have found out and these materials have been multiplying. I must keep up and manufacture crafts. I must.

3. Car- Our new Honda has some paint fading issues (we bought it new last year). It's covered by warranty, but we need to take it in. Also, our PT cruiser Professor Plum has been leaking a bit of oil. Instead of refilling it constantly, we have given him a rest and started carpooling.

4. Taxes- January is coming to a close and that means taxes are due. Taxes, taxes- beautiful, lovely taxes.

5. Loving Exercise- When it comes to exercise, I'm a consistent whiner. However, I am looking to be better. Anyone who has ever exercised with me can attest to that.

6. Simplify- This is Charles' worst nightmare, but I am trying to keep our tiny cottage of love from looking too cluttered. The clutter stops here!

7. Babies- We're going to try our mightiest with IVF this year. If it doesn't work, we will do something else and accept that it didn't work.

8. Sugar down- I love making treats. I love eating treats. If I can become more creative with healthy foods, then I will not make so many treats. Hey, it's a goal people- No Munchie March. Let me know if you want to do it too and we can cheer each other on! I've already recruited two people!

9. Study- I love reading fiction. I need to work on reading my scriptures more lovingly- since they're more important and lasting than fiction. Or maybe just work on a little balance.

10. Variety- Branch out with how I spend my time. Maybe schedule my life better.

How about you? Any goals?

Reading Maniacs Unite

Recently, my friend Krissy asked me about books. She asked if I knew of any she could read with her kindergartener- because she herself doesn't enjoy reading and she wants to break the cycle. As an avid reader, I couldn't agree more. Here's a list I wrote up for her. I know there are millions and billions of great books out there. You can check out my Goodreads for other suggestions.

Here is a short list of some young reader fodder you might enjoy if you're just getting started:

Easy Readers
Curduroy By Don Freeman (sad)
Amelia Bedelia Books byPeggy Parish (so silly)
Katy No-Pocket By Emmy Payne (feel good)
Curious George Books by Margret and H.A. Rey (silly)
If you give a mouse a cookie by Laura Joffe Numeroff (silly)
Blueberries for Sal By Robert McCloskey (Caldecott Honor)
The Velveteen Rabbit (so sad)
Clifford Books (silly)

Young Readers
Matilda By Roald Dahl
James and the Giant Peach By Roald Dahl
The Westing Game By Allen Raskin (Newberry Award)

Young Reader Series

The Indian in the Cupboard

Boxcar Children

Junie B Jones

Anne of Green Gables by L.M. Montgomery

Pippi Longstocking

  

Books I've enjoyed recently- all fiction

The Blue Castle By L.M. Montgomery

Name of the Wind By Patrick Rothfuss 

The Night Circus By Erin Morgenstern

Treason By Orson Scott Card

The Forgotten Garden By Kate Morton

Tips to cultivating a reading frenzy

Reading Programs at the library

Paying your kids to read award-winning books- my mom gave $1 for newberry award books and $.50 for newberry honor books

Book it Pizzas- school program

Take kids to the library and let them choose 5 or 10 books each to read at home.

Have books easily accessible around the house (just don't get too crazy)

Killing evil fairies-

I killed a silverfish last night. I have an aversion to those creatures. They give me the shivers; even after they're dead. They're just too fast and silvery for my liking. Creepy little buggers. It was ginormous, as far as silverfish go, and sat concurrent to the window on our bedroom wall.

Charles was on his run. I usually make him kill the bugs at home, because his aim is better and then I don't have to freak out as much. He now just fetches the vacuum to suck them in, since our popcorn ceiling makes killing bugs difficult and nobody wants a pincher bug falling on their head.

I feel that killing a silverfish is like killing an evil fairy, because silver dust coats them even in death.

I would have put a picture of one here for you to look at, but apparently even pictures of them freak me out.

Ice cream for Sale!

When I was younger, probably around the age of 6, I would flip over our pink bigwheel. I'd sit on the back of it and yell at the top of my lungs "Ice cream for sale! Ice cream for sale!" Look at me now- I'm not selling it, I'm eating it. Mmm, thanks ice cream man; for the hope of ice cream all those years ago- though I cannot for the life of me remember actually getting the treat of ice cream from one of those trucks.

In Guatemala, people would walk around town with freezer carts full of popsicles. They'd usually be selling an assortment of cool whip bars posing as ice cream, fruit flavored popsicles, and choco bananas. The choco bananas were the best because they were cheap, it's really hot in Guatemala, and you could find them almost anywhere.

Today, instead of being a weirdo yelling about ice cream, I was creeping through bushes looking for pine cones.

A couple of days ago, a couple friends and I were planning crafts for our breakfast with Santa coming up this weekend. We happened to come across the idea of owls made from pine cones. Imagine our rapture and excitement. We had found a seemingly simple and worthwhile craft any child could assemble and any mother could display with pride.

I was tasked with finding pine cones, as I had volunteered that we have a heavy-laden pine tree right outside our back door.

Unfortunately for us, there were only 8 cones when I looked for them on Wednesday night. Since I have a couple pine trees along the outside perimeter of my work building, I also looked today during my lunch hour for raw owl materials.

I noticed some beds of pine needles, so I was a little nervous about disturbing a homeless person's sleeping area. I threw my caution to the wind, however, and was able to find an additional 22 pine cones to my hoard- many of which were quite daintily sized. 

The nice part about gathering pine cones in that area, is nobody really paid attention to me; that I know of. However, as I walked next to our well-manicured building, looking under the bushes for any stray supplies that might be waiting, I noticed a couple of ladies talking close by.

I happened to crouch in the bushes, rustling around in their vicinity and then Ack! Eye contact. I couldn't look away. So I asked the lady whom I had eye contacted if she could toss the pine cone on her side of the fence over to me. I believe that alleviated about 3 ounces of awkwardness. The rest lay intact at my feet.

Tonight I will be baking them in my oven and getting them all ready to decorate. Owl bet you want to make one yourself, don't you?

Rita's Rainbows

Can you imagine looking at this sweet face every day?

Llama

Saturday, December 5, 2015 from 10-5 PM I'll be sitting at Grange Hall selling all manner of fancy things. The address is 2880 Broad Street, SLO.

I've been to fairs before, so I need to keep my guard up. There will be handmade items everywhere and Christmas is coming.

It is a difficult thing to buy items for people. You want to buy them something they do not already have and would probably not find elsewhere. You don't want to pay too much, but vendors have spent time on their goods and will not sell for too little.

My friend Daniel, who works with me at SMS Masterminds told me about this craft fair, because his mother is in charge of it. It's called Rita's Rainbows and after Rita died, her mother started organizing this craft fair in honor of her love of crafting. 100% of the proceeds go to kids and teens in need. My friends Holly, Kiwi, and I are vending ornaments, rings, and fancy animals.

This is my first experience of selling my fancy animals at any type of fair. As you know, I started an Etsy store, however, it is currently empty as I've been making fancy animals and using them for wedding and baby shower gifts. Since this fair's coming up, I thought I'd try my hand at it. If I have some leftover stock, I'll post them in my Etsy store.

Turtle

Thestral

Rings and things

Ornaments that can fit in the palm of your hand- who wouldn't want a tiny turtle or a little hoot to hang on their tree? Also, these are cool stocking stuffers.

Fancy animals to look forward to: 

Kangaroo

Thestral

Tiny owl

Big Eyebrowed Owl

Hippopotamus

Cat

Turtle

Stegosaurus

Seal

Old Hat

"Just pinch it between your two fingers like this"- Getting body ready for baby: IVF 101.

Finding out that you have to inject yourself every day for a month is kind of terrifying. I'll be honest, some days it is easier than other days. I'm grateful that I do not have to do that for the rest of my life as some people do- like those with diabetes. My friends who have to do it every day, I feel for you and am terribly sorry.

Fun fact: As your body figures out it is being punctured by foreign objects regularly, it actually begins to toughen and becomes more resistant to needle punctures. Translation: You have to push harder to get the needle into your body. To slow this process, they tell you to alternate sides. I noticed this toughening of my skin within the first week. Not cool, every changing body. Not cool.

After two weeks of injecting myself in the gut, Charles then had to inject me, for two weeks with a horse needle, into the cheek of my butt. So that is something to look forward to again. Woot woot.

To help me cope, Charles ingeniously thought up a prize program for me. Every day, after receiving an injection, he would give me my surprise. It was nice to get a prize for such a miserable daily occurrence. If you need prize ideas, here are a couple:

A fancy owl cup
See's Candy
Jamba Juice
In'N'Out
A shopping bag with my face emblazoned on it

The man's sweet. Since we're total cheapskates at our house, he used gift certificates we already had for half of the items and individual chocolates on the other days. It was so nice. I loved my sweet presents. I felt bad for him that he didn't get treats, but he said it wouldn't be fair if he got treats since he wasn't getting injections every day. Good point. Ha ha, get it. I said.. never mind.

This is a picture of the bruise on my belly button after the egg harvest. How did I get it? No idea.

Now that I'm old hat at stabbing myself, I didn't think I would be getting prizes anymore. Yesterday, when I got home, somebody at home told me to close my eyes and open my mouth. Thanks for the See's candy, Charles. It's nice to get treats, even when you're old hat.

https://www.generosity.com/fundraisers/starting-our-family--2