Pendulum

Last week was a pretty crazy week. Monday I had a date with a guy named Derek. He is a funny guy and we ate ice cream at Safeway. It turned out we had lots of common television show interests. We talked about that for a while. He watches shows with his mom. I do to, when I'm home. I ate two drumsticks. He ate one. Good self control Derek. 

When I went out with Nick on Wednesday, we played soccer for a bit. Afterwards, we again ate ice cream balls at Safeway again. After talking a while, we'd only eaten 5 of the 6. After about 90 minutes of great conversation, a sketchy lady wearing a fanny pack and five belts walked up and asked if we wanted her to eat the last one. We were like, "Of course we do. Would you?" Weird. Then she stayed and talked to us for 10 minutes. 

The highlight of our conversation was the story about the lemon peel. She one time ingested an entire lemon peel and it left her craving...(what? onions? pretzels? Candle wax?)...sex. Awkward. She then encouraged us to eat lemon peel sometime to see what happened to us. I told her I didn't need anything else pushing me to that feeling. We had to get up and walk away from her, as she continued talking to us until we left the store.

Blitzing showed me difficult it is to ask multiple people out and keep the dates interesting. It also showed me how chill the guys feel when they ask me out; it's just a date. I always felt a little bit of pressure to figure out how I felt about him. Apparently I stress about dating more than I should. 

My brother got his mission call to serve in the Taiwan mission, speaking Mandarin Chinese. He leaves April 17. He's sooooo excited.  He's going to rock that mission!

Tuesday, after a nice talk with Charles, we started dating again. He gave me a choice and I picked him. I couldn't imagine never dating him again. And yet I wonder if I'm ready to commit my life forever to anyone. And why not? Charles is the kindest man, we have fun, we are both crazy. Sounds like a recipe for success. Things like this reassure me.

If I learned anything from our dating blitz, I learned there are lots of great guys out there. Why is it, when I'm in a relationship, I am looking for reasons to cop out and when I'm not in a relationship, I want to be in one? What keeps me trying? Hope, faith, and charity. Also, I pray a lot. 

"We are waging a war with sin, my brothers and sisters, but we need not despair. It is a war we can and will win. Our Father in Heaven has given us the tools we need in order to do so. He is at the helm. We have nothing to fear. He is the God of light. He is the God of hope. I testify that He loves us—each one.

Mortality is a period of testing, a time to prove ourselves worthy to return to the presence of our Heavenly Father. In order to be tested, we must sometimes face challenges and difficulties. At times there appears to be no light at the tunnel’s end—no dawn to break the night’s darkness. We feel surrounded by the pain of broken hearts, the disappointment of shattered dreams, and the despair of vanished hopes. We join in uttering the biblical plea “Is there no balm in Gilead?”  

We are inclined to view our own personal misfortunes through the distorted prism of pessimism. We feel abandoned, heartbroken, alone. If you find yourself in such a situation, I plead with you to turn to our Heavenly Father in faith. He will lift you and guide you. He will not always take your afflictions from you, but He will comfort and lead you with love through whatever storm you face." President Thomas S. Monson, General Conference April 28, Looking Back and Moving Forward.

I therefore keep breathing and making decisions. Even if it's hard. To breathe.