Breaking Bad- no breaking good!

Actually, I fully realize breaking things is bad. Well, most things besides bad habits. Those are difficult to break and good. Howevs, I keep breaking things all over the place. You can now call me Allabreaka.

I just broke a glass by attempting to put it into the cupboard. How? By tapping it against the shelf quite innocently. Did little slivers shoot into my hand and arm in 5 countable spots? Yes. Am I still alive? Barely.

My first day at this new job, I broke a sister cup- by knocking over my water. Granted, these are the cheap cups of the world. They're no mugs if you know what I mean.

I now use a smoky, higher grade of cup. Unfortunately, my clumsy self prefers glass/ceramic to plastic. I can taste the plastic in child grade cups;  that's the reason. I drink water essence of beauty in my liquid and nothing else.

For now, since I'm a grownup, I can convince other adults I can handle glasses. Sometimes I can convince my friends. Sometimes not.

Last night, I convinced Charles to pop open my phone from the camera end and shattered the glass backing by proxy. Luckily, it missed his eyes. This break was unfortunate, since I actually liked that phone. Also fortunate, because we currently have Verizon, but are converting back to the more affordable T-mobile network. I hope it works...net of the time.

When I visited Jenny, I also spilled a load of ranch dressing on the table when I was trying to eat and talk on the phone at the same time.

What can I say? Clumsiness grows with you. Hooray!

Also, since I spit sometimes, I have to be careful. As you read in my previous post, it's not cool to spit in your hair. Not that I've ever done that, but if I had, I would have done it more than once. And that would be ultra uncool.

We have been compromised- Thanks Wellsy's-

Our credit cards did anyway. Luckily, Wells Fargo bank puts a hold on my credit card anytime I go on a trip. Usually it is highly annoying, but this time they actually got it right. Those crooks only got to Whole Foods and Benihana before the card was frozen. They also called Wells Fargo and reported a stolen/lost card and tried to get the bank to send another set of cards to them. Unluckily for them, they are idiots. When they got all the security questions wrong, the card was blocked. Thanks for being anal about blocking my credit card Wells Fargo.

They caught them soon enough that they're only out $300 because of the thieves. Thank goodness for that. Also, traveling to Venice and Santa Monica with my digits was stupid. You are really dumb. I hope they find you. Run and tell that.

Thieves- stop it! Somebody always has to pay for your laziness. Get a job for goodness sake and stop taking money from hardworking people. Shame on you. And shame on you for making me pay for your vast quantities of food intake. So dumb. So dumb.

Also, they didn't have my credit card- Charles and I both had ours safely stashed inside our wallets. Someplace online they got it. We hardly ever use the internet for purchasing. The old ones are shredded and we have new ones. With chips. Not excited about that my friends. I've heard things.

In other news, I found out that if your new CC has a chip, you can block scanners from getting your info. by lining your wallet with foil. Done and done.

Double Cool-

I'll bet you had no idea about cool was until I published my last post. Well, now you're in the know. Perhaps.

Well, don't you think you're pretty cool? I've always felt on the cusp of cool, except at Girl's camp. I was ultra cool at camp. I think that's why everyone loves girls camp. No shortage of cool in the woods. Also, now that I'm grown up I feel like cool just comes with the territory. When I have kids, I will be sure to embarrass them as much as humanly possible. I'm that cool.

My favorite Girls camp projects

1. Pet rock
2. Pick up lines to the lifeguard
3. Infinitesimal possibilities
                                                     

I have always noticed that crafts look so much cooler when done by others. When I bring back my crafts, they never look quite as professional. What am I doing wrong? Here are some tips to making a professional looking craft.

1.  Have a dream- What excited you about this project in the first place?

2. Plan it out- On paper, put pins in your sewing, and sketch the general idea

3. Details- The more details you include, the closer people will look at the final product

4. Incorporate a fetish- Put something on there you love. That'll bring in your personal passion. Plus, you know what cool whateveryoulike's look like. Don't you?

5. Give it time- Nothing cool is made in an hour. If you know of anything, you let me know. I need some cool projects that take little/no effort. It's like those girls selling boondoggle at our last apartment complex- if it took you 10 minutes to make, it would take me the same amount of time.

6. Don't get carried away- Sometimes it's good to stop fiddling with your project and just look at it. If it's looking pretty good already, you don't want to overdo it. Get a second opinion if needed.

7. Would you buy it? Sorry boondogglers- unless it's outrageously cool, I probably will wait until my unborn children go to camp and get some for free.

8. Practice- The more you try, the better you will get. However, you mustn't get too frustrated if you're still not an expert after much practice.

9. Presentation- Just because you made something cool, doesn't mean you are finished. If you wish to display your new craft/treasure, put it in a spot people can study it.

10. Crafty crafters craft crafty crafts- That's about all you can handle right now.

Tune in next time.

Cool is in-

Here are some pictures taken of me at work. If you'll notice, the first picture my hair is tamed, the second shows what usually happens in my pictures.  In a futile attempt to give my hair body, I actually make random strands stick out all over my head. Luckily, I told the guy taking the picture and he let me know I should smooth it down a bit. Mom, this one's for you.

On another note, I still have a cold. Bother. I am trying to cough myself to death. Hopefully I won't do it. Wouldn't that be awkward. Who would answer the phones?

I made strawberry rhubarb sugar-topped breakfast cake yesterday and corned beef and cabbage. It was lovely. Charles and I are working on our points. I could always get more points though. You know how it is. 

We've been running every other day. It's only about 3.5 miles, but hopefully we can keep up our positive habits. We might even wear our hobbit habits.

JSYK- an informative list

Cool

1. Seahorses

Not Cool

2. Slugs

Cool

2. Crocodiles

Not Cool

2. Earwigs

Cool

3. Yoda

Not Cool

3. Having a cold

Cool
4. Detailed projects/Art
Not Cool
4. Uneven haircuts

Cool
5. Elf ears
Not Cool
5. Electric shock

Cool
6. Brownies
Not Cool
6. Spitting in your hair

Chilly chilly cheesecake-

We're trying to decide between United Healthcare health insurance and an HMO. I don't know  much about health care and insurance, but I know I've heard a lot of bad stuff about HMO's. So that's something. We will decide sometime this week. Two cents?

We're trying to switch over to T-mobile from Verizon. It's like 1/5 the cost and we're living on a smaller budget these days. What with the baby and..ha. There's no baby. But if we had a baby, we'd be running an even tighter ship. We'd just feed that baby milk all the time. Sorry baby.

I think we got a cold from that kid at church. He's a cute kid, but I hate his guts. Well, that's what happens when you breathe at church. Anyway, I wasn't feeling my 100% self last night, nor do I feel the best today. It doesn't help that our neighbors were doing a smoking intervention right next to our bedroom window at 2:30 am this morning. They talk quite loudly. He has been chain smoking and "That's not you". Apparently it is him. Maybe we'll invite them all to church.

They're also the guys who sing at the top of their lungs off their porch until 10:30 pm. We're obviously old farts- we are getting quite grumbly about it amongst ourselves. We need hobbies. Perhaps we'll give out some homemade gifts this year.

Neal, what do you want for Christmas? We'll send you a piece of water.

Charles and I discovered this new rap app. It's hilarious- smule.com. The Stacys that visited us this weekend showed us where it's at. Now we're a little cooler. You can be cool too. Just speak into your phone and it turns the words into rap magic. Get ready to waste some time- the first tune is the only free one. Don't get too crazy.

City slick-

Um, yes I did. I did borrow a large nature-ology book to finish my adult summer reading program. What do I win? I have to take everything back tomorrowish. So I will find out then- why it was all worth it.

Do I have any dogs? No.

Do I have any hots? Yes. I have the hots for Charles Ward. Next question.

We went to the beach Saturday. Forgive the other two posts. They're old, but I'm pretty positive they were never posted. Porgive me.

At the beach we slathered and slithered our way through loads of sunscreen. My shoulders were somehow missed, but we did a pretty good job. We went into the ocean. It took me 30 minutes and lots of friend encouragement.

Big thanks to the Stacys and Charles for pulling me in. It was cold, but worth it. You get used to it and it was a great experience. Pleasant even. The waves were perfect for body surfing. After we got in, many people starting following us- the early adopters- and there were many swallowed into the ocean.

Actually, it was Oceans of Fun and also made us pretty tired. We had good amounts of sunbathing time and we also walked around in our friendly group. Thanks for visiting Stacy N. and Stacey Henn. We had a great Labor Day weekend visit. We ate lots. Stacy treated us many times- due to our new rules about spending money. We could have eaten out of the fridge, but the Stacys are foodies. They kindly sponsored us and our budget. Thanks for helping our budgeting  resolve and thanks for feeding us!

Labor Day they went to Hearst Castle and we stayed home and watched Star Wars 3 & 4. We stayed home. This little piggy and that little piggy. Wee wee wee!

Sleepthirsty-

Candles strewn about the yard.

Vines swimming through soaring elms. Basking in the warmth of life and summer patterns.

Luxuriant chestnut locks grew from the ends of her fingertips, wrapping back around the crystal flesh of her hand and up her arm. She looked out through the dark eyes of a newborn. Her stare was blank and deep. Lundra.

Hair grew braided through the carpet in a symphony of lovingly maintained dreadlocks. The terror of any vacuum. They threaded through every crevice. Each chestnut hair interlocked, ducking through the spaces between each piece of inundated classical furniture, firmly tying each into a permanent hug.

I do not worry much about the sleep I get. I sleep quite a bit.