Wednesday, April 20, 2016

Anticipation; The rise and fall of hope 101

If you've been wondering how our baby growing endeavor is going, we have started another cycle of IVF. As you might have guessed, it was not successful in December. If you would like to fast for us, as a couple of people have offered to do, a good day for that would be May 1st.

We are doing another fresh cycle, and will hopefully harvest a boatload of healthy and viable eggs from my ovaries. We also hope there is not an overcrowding of the boat, as it is possible to have an overstimulation of your ovaries. In fact, the first thing I remember saying after waking up from my egg harvest in October, was that I must have produced inferior numbers. The lady next to me had about 10 more eggs than I had and Charles remonstrated me with the hazards of overstimulation and inferior egg quality.

Since my ovaries are going to be stimulated to grapefruit size in the next couple of weeks, much as a prized hen before a county fair, I now know what to expect. As a hint, it is rather a strange sensation. Rather like a rummage sale, wherein many treasures lie, but must first be discovered by frantic buyers. This might also be due to an inordinate amount of gas, for I was quite uncomfortable in the two weeks preceding my extraction.

I assume that unsettled and strange feeling of items being flung around inside of you lasts the entirety of an actual pregnancy.

Please pardon me if I present indelicate jokes regarding childlessness in your presence. I have already begun throwing out terrible jokes with wild abandon. Sorry Deane. It seems to be one of the many ways I cope with emotional instability. I will try and limit myself to hopeful jokes about future sleepless nights and children opening and spreading Costco-sized containers of peanut butter onto our, currently, white couch.

Thank goodness I get to choose a See's candy after my current three shots a day. Aman, I'm not sure how you did shots daily for 7 months, but you rock! Also, Penny is adorable, so I can see that it was worth it.

I see this also is a good incentive for me not to over-indulge in sweets so often. All Charles needs to do is remind me about diabetes treatments when I'm going crazy making cookie pizzas and Boston cream pies.

For anyone wondering about the intricacies of doing IVF, it's not nearly as terrifying as you imagine in the planning months. Once you start the process, feelings calm and you notice the process is quite bearable. The worst part is anticipation; the rise and fall of hope.

I have let a loss of hope get the better of me multiple times in this series of injections and rejection of embryos. However, as I remember the love of my Heavenly Father and the sacrifice of his son Jesus Christ, I am also reminded of the instigator of pain and despair- Satan. He does not hold back from total brutality when wounding our spirits.

Jacob 7:5
And he had hope to shake me from the faith, notwithstanding the many revelations and the many things which I had seen concerning these things; for I truly had seen angels, and they had ministered unto me. And also, I had heard the voice of the Lord speaking unto me in very word, from time to time; wherefore, I could not be shaken.
I hope that in your times of trial and weakness, though completely different from mine, that you let this scripture fortify you with the knowledge of our Father and his Son's love for you.

You can do hard things, even if: you're single, you don't feel confident, you stink at softball, you're sick of eating burritos, the top of your fridge is dusty, your children are aliens, you can't eat ice cream anymore. Sorry about all of those things, but you are awesome!

Zimbo nimbo

I haven't washed my hair in three days. We are in a drought right now. Since this has become a great excuse, I've found showering is an afterthought more than a given these days. I don't always take short showers, but when I do, I never shave my legs or wash my hair. Which also works well as a "Most Interesting Man in the World" meme.

Bonnie & Sarah, I have decided to stop plucking my grey hairs. You're welcome. The greatest part about these upstarts, is they are in the middle of the top of my head. I do not want a bald spot on my crown, but I also don't want a fluffy tuft of short grey feathers displayed in the forefront of my locks for the next 30 years.

Therefore, these interlopers will be occupying a premium spot in my otherwise velveteen doe locks until I begin to dye them. I'm not there yet. Anyway, if I'm going to start dying my hair, it's going to be a more interesting transition than brown. Perhaps kool-aid blue feathers will lend me some distinction. I dare say, this is a most interesting notion.

Yesterday was the best cub scout activity of all time. After creating a scale out of art supplies to weigh coins, we ate kettle corn and played Go Fish 10. This is Go Fish with face cards. You only use numbers except Aces equal 1 and the primary goal is matching two cards to equal 10. It's pretty fun.

It was not stressful and we had loads of good times. I tied with a scout for the first game with 8 matches and Charles won the second game. You cannot imagine the distraction potential of a bag of kettle corn.

We have been gifted 3 boxes of popcorn- due to a friend's move, and we brought a bag to share two weeks ago. That was the hour's only focal point for 4 boys at 7 pm. This week we learned our lesson and waited until the end to share the corn.

As a side note, this popcorn was not Popcornoplis, nor Emily popcorn. Therefore, I abstained. However, I have a dear friend who loves popcorn and now whenever I see it, I think of her. So now I've got all these Emily memory bags in my back closet. How's that for creepy?