Thursday, August 27, 2015

Complaints to the Chafe-

Contrary to any sensible thought process, I had the strange conviction this morning that there was a bug in the toe of my shoe.

I knew this to be a foolhardy thought, and so, while imagining a bug crawling helter skelter amongst my toes, I drove the rest of the way to my job.

I just checked, 9 hours later, and there is nothing in my shoe. Am I paranoid about bugs? Why yes, yes I am.

I blame it on serving a mission in Guatemala for 18 months. There are many bugs there. Probably the most creepy part was moving to Guatemala City, into a community called Los Olivos. It seemed to be very civilized and modern. However, the house in which we lived, had a problem with cockroaches.

Quickly after moving in, I found out if we did not double bag our bread before going bedside, it would be filled with tiny cockroaches the next morning. Where did they come from? Why were there so many? Where did they go at night? I remember praying fervently that I would never find a cockroach in my bed. And I never did- except one time one of those tiny baby ones was by my pillow and I killed it immediately.

There were cockroaches in the electric panel box, in our spice box, under our gas oven range. Did I find that out in one day? No, but I knew they were coming from someplace and there were minimal places for them to hide. Anytime I saw one, it was smashed instantly.

I'm pretty sure they came out of the water drain in our fenced porch where the sink was. Thinking back, we should have kept a bowl over it anytime it wasn't in use. Except then where would the water go when it rained?

Anyway, after routinely killing any insect I found in the house, their presence was reduced to a couple times a week, versus the previous daily infestation. Did I spray them all with deadly pesticide, causing one companion to rant for hours about the headache it gave her? Why yes, yes I did. Did that same girl also tell me that cockroaches were God's creatures and that I should let them live? Why yes, yes she did. Do not worry. I paid her no mind. Not in my house, I won't.

Gradually, as the tiny man population in my house dwindled, the second sense I had developed dwindled yet continued on. Now that this sense has been awakened, it will forevermore find all the pincher bugs on my ceiling and walls at home and the spiders with egg sacs living underneath our kitchen cupboards. Much to the chagrin of Charles O'Keefe, the designated bug killer in our house.

With such a fancy imagination, it's no wonder I find the creativity to imagine bugs in my shoes every once in a while. What a treat.

Friday, August 21, 2015

A poem

Ode to Baldness

If you've met man or beast with a hairy head,
your eyes they have feasted on some heavy bread.
But a bald young man with no mop on top,
has many kinds of talents you have naught to stop.

They can change their face, with the removal of a cap.
On the top of their head, one can tappity tap.
Yet for just one day, I would trow to be bald.
For the strength of resolve it would take all in all.

I'm not a patient person, though I try to be kind.
Ask my friends, ask my family, I'm a little bit behind.
I don't have the fortitude to shave every day.
Not the top of my head; on my legs, hair does stay.

But the shaved, they are soft.
To the face, soft is kind.
Take the cap that is doffed
Oh, the sun, we are blind!

I'm not bound to a guy who is bald every day
when he shaves his sweet face all my troubles fall away.
I am, for your info, super bald on  my feet.
When our feet do the tango, what a treat! What a treat!

Monday, August 17, 2015

Llama Face

 You are probably wondering how I could possibly make a llama this cute, and yet I cannot make animals on command. That's clay for you... or magical sewing artistry.

My work family is piecing together a softball team. I will be the catcher. How did I get such a glamorous job? They surely picked me on the basis of always looking ready to sit in one place and throw softballs in a vaguely accurate way. They chose wisely. We will be playing Thursday nights and this might interfere with my Institute class. However, since I can't register anymore because I'm too old, I don't feel everlasting sorrow at this piece of news. Charles will just take notes for me.

Today, Hayward CA had an earthquake ranked a 4 on the Richter scale. Big news. In other big news, my ring rash came back in full fury. Bother. I rinsed my ring in vinegar again and am giving my ring finger a break. It's tired of lifting weights and needs a snack. I've been feeding it clove essential oils- strange and luxurious spices from the Orient. 

Let's see, I've just been called as the 1st Counselor in primary. That means every Sunday, I will give the firm and not quite evil eye to little girls and boys and sometimes teach lessons to them that hopefully a few of them will listen to. It will be wonderful.

Yesterday while googling some recipes, as Charles and I eat much soup for lunch, I found this. Enjoy. I did. It was yummy stew.

This is a birthday picture of Charles and cake. Before we demolished it. Yes, it was Skor cake. Thanks for asking. We also should have eaten Chinese food because Charles loves Chinese. We didn't. Oh well, there's always next year.

Wednesday, August 12, 2015

Tiny Gangsta Hands or A Spirit of Fear

There have been many periods in my life when I have let fear unfettered tear through my heart. Why do I give such power to fear when it cultivates such terrifying blindness?

Have you, as I, ever sat in the darkness of night and wondered at what lies behind those shadows of fear. But soft, what beyond such filmy shadows cannot be uncovered after one, desiring sight, opens the blinded eyes erstwhile bursting with the wondrous knowledge such opening uncovers?

 And lo! I catch a glimpse!

Faithless as fears make us, here is a list of unfounded fears and what I learned from blasting them into space, then walking confidently into the light. Let us banish such trolls and periwinkle killers of light, growth, and development. You have no power over me, fear! I take no part in your ugliness and evil designs over my happiness.

1. Thumb sucking- I was quite sure my life would not go on without my nighttime comfort routine. And yet, here I am. Surprise! I stopped that business in 2nd grade and am still going strong. Although once or twice, I did try putting my thumb back in there, just to see if it was as good as I remembered it being. Nope, still just a thumb.

2. College- After deciding I had to go to BYU, due to tradition and a few exceptional fellows I had met that had gone to said school, I had some bouts of worry about not getting in. Thanks Trigonometry. You are the worst! I did not get an A in that class, but I did cry about it quite a bit. I spit on you, fears about not getting into college. I got there, I graduated, and I married a master of math.

3. Food- Strangely, on my mission, I had an overwhelming aversion to continually eating beans and eggs. There came a day in which I decided just couldn't do it anymore. I thereby transferred to eating mostly fruit for every meal. I feared I would never have any desire to anything besides fruit again. Look at me now, trouncing any food I can get my hands on.

4. Mission- I had several gaping worries about serving a mission. I'd heard they were really tough and I cried quite a bit during and after my mission. I'm not sure what the central fear was, but part of it was my inability to see what hardships lay ahead. Being unable to plan for them beforehand was another part. Despite learning a new language, having some hard times, and being surrounded at all times by cockroaches, I am still alive. And may I say it, better off by more than half.

5. Hair- When I was younger, I had many crying times dealing with my hair. I often worried that I looked too masculine because of how it was cut. I would then cut it again, style it times a million, and sob pitiably about how terrible it looked to anyone who would listen- whether they cared or not. I have finally figured out that braids solve any problem a person could ever have with their hair. If your hair is long enough to braid, and you're a female, you should do it. Oh yes, and I discovered hair spray.

6. Marriage- I have been boy crazy since birth. I'm positive most of you know what I'm talking about. I had crushes on every boy I ever met. And yet, somehow, I married the coolest, most perfect man I could have ever designed for myself. What are the odds of that happening? In fact, he has often told me he didn't marry me in spite of my craziness, he married me because of it. Now that's love.

7. Babies- If you do not understand this fear, you are a taco. How could having a baby grow inside of you not be terrifying? Especially with sickness and bigness to boot. I'm not having a baby tomorrow, but someday I will. The only way I can possibly go through with making a tiny person come from inside of my own self, like an alien in some horror movie, is by looking at pictures like this and hearing stories from my family members about their own adorable kids.

This is a Baby

8. People Loss- Also known as death. If this doesn't scare you, you are not a people. And yet it is a part of our Heavenly Father's plan for us.

9. Armageddon- Can you feel it? I feel it. Maybe store some food. Definitely store water. Some matches, candles, fuel, guns, flashlights, toilet paper. Someday. 

10- Two Front Teeth Lossaphobia- I've always been afraid I'm going to fall down the stairs and knock out my two front teeth. I have no idea where that unfounded fear crops from, but it has never been a habit of mine to fall down stairs. I'm just nervous I will, and therefore always go downstairs holding the railing. Such is my wisdom.

11. Money- I've always had enough. Why do you cramp my style fear? We're pretty much millionaires over here. 

Now that I've told on fear, it can just flit away. I may still eat fruit and get haircuts, but frankly, it's not my problem anymore.

Ah how much I appreciate you-

In all honesty, I'm going to write this out and hope I'm not absent minded enough to post it before it's time. However, I wanted to write this before the... Mazel Tov on Your Bar Mitzvah! Which was the cover name for the Facebook Event whereby people were invited to the secret surprise birthday party for my silly sister Bonnie and my sweet husband Charles.

First off, I'd like to thank Ale, Stacy and Stacey for helping me coordinate the event. Also, a thank you to my parents who donated some fun money to help make it a little more fun.

Secondly, I'd like to say it was a sweet success, but I have no idea, since the party doesn't happen for three more days. There are a couple snags that could make it go less than perfect.

1. The rafting trip. I started planning this party in June. Could whoever planned that trip not have made it the next weekend? Hello!

2. Bonnie said she'd only for sure go if Charles and I went rafting. Charles, who also doesn't know about the party, wants to see lots of our friends/family that day instead of rafting.

3. If Bonnie doesn't come to her own surprise party, since she and Charles have neither ever had a surprise birthday party, it's going to be funny, but not so funny.

Honestly, Charles could already know about this party. There were a couple times I was sure he'd seen something. Times I thought I was had:

1. Anytime he checked my phone. He was very thorough this month checking texts, emails, and all Facebook messages. Suspicious much, Birthday Detective?

2. Facebook alerts. They are bad secret keepers over there. I tried hiding all sorts of notifications and it only worked on half of them. Come on Facebook! I'm doing ok keeping this secret, why can't you?

3. When my mom said, "Have fun with your little..sweet husband over there." She said it while signing off from Skype after I'd told my family about the surprise birthday party. I'm sure she almost said "with your little party." Charles was like "What was that about?" All I said, "Well, you know my mom. Who knows?" Ha, whew...that was a close one.

I also made some anniversary peanut butter cups, then hid those in the freezer. I don't know if there's any chance he won't see them. He only has 3 days to not see them, but he has a comprehensive knowledge of all the treats in our house. So after creating such treats, I then packed them away into freezer ziplock bags and washed all the dishes.

I made almond butter cups to, so I could eat them with him. Then we can be treat buddy eaters. I even went so far as to make a cover up treat, so he wouldn't smell the peanut butter. It turned out to be unnecessary, because he came home at 10:30 instead of 9, so the smell was mostly gone. However, I think he was grateful for the snack. Hard life, you know?

And now, it has passed and Bonnie and Charles were ultimately surprised! Surprise! Now, where's all the cake?

Pre-Anniversary Post-

I write this in hopes that it will come out in a timely manner instead of after the fact. Actually, there's little chance of this getting posted Sunday, since we're traveling that day and are cancelling our internet at home- double jeopardy.

Why are we canceling our home internet? We think it is ludicrous to be charged $60 a month for internet. Especially since we only ever use the wifi on Sundays to skype family. It changed over from $30 a month today. So we've decided to forgo this luxury for the time being. Thanks for upping the rates Charter. It gives us some spare change with which to barter for such essentials as food and qtips.

Anniversary of 2 years

Treats- let them eat cake. Or pie. Or waffles. Whichever you have on hand I suppose.
Garden- roughly. It's more of a wisp of the idea of a garden with many flies inhabiting our compost.
Projects- Edwina our fantastic robot and the refrigerator box in our bedroom. How I love that box. And now it's gone. Hallelujah!
Goats- To dream and yet to never live the dream. That's living. With goats, that's living the dream.
Brussell Sprouts- in the microwave
Cans- Food of the future
Movies- If you didn't like them before, you're getting your fill now. You're welcome!

Listed out, this speaks of true love! Happy (late) Anniversary to my one true love!

And Happy (late) Birthday to Emmett Indiana- Who was named after the dog.