Wednesday, April 30, 2014

Let's bee serious

Inspiration is of a white page. 

Rag suspends dirt in the saying of the word.

I clipped my stitches off myself yesterday with fingernail clippers. It took 20 seconds and incidentally saved me $20. In fact, if you need your stitches out, call me. I'm a real expert. You could say I'm an expert expert.

Eating spaghetti squash is just like eating spaghetti. Same. Except maybe healthier.

Our bedroom window lets in every noise possible from the outside. Apparently, our bathroom window lets in bees.

When I got home from work yesterday, Charles wouldn't let me in the bathroom. He wasn't wearing any outer clothes, which surprised me when I later learned what he was hiding from me. Since he was in the bathroom, taking care of a surprise, I glanced over at the computer and read "Eat them." Naturally I was curious about what was to be eaten, since from his brother's comment, it sounded like he was talking about insects.

I then scanned the status, not noting who wrote it, to make sure the stranger hadn't been instructed to eat cockroaches or ants. Turns out he had a bee problem and wanted to take care of it before his wife got home. What a lame wife, scared about bugs in her bathroom. Then Charles came out of the bathroom and freaked because I was reading his Facebook...which helped me realize I was the lame-o and the bees were my surprise. Who eats bees? Who corrals bees in their underwear?

I was shown the three bees flying around in the window. Then we were about to leave, and he said something about no less than 9 bees being in the bathroom. I thought he was kidding. Not really 9 bees? Yes, let's go back. I'll show you. So I looked into the tub and saw 6 dead bees. Then we looked in the window crack and saw 6 more bees. Poor bees. We swept the ones in the tub into a dustpan and placed them outside. I think they're still there, which is sad because bees are important, useful, and needed.

Anyway, I consider dramatics my coping mechanism and admit that finding 12 bees buzzing around in their bathroom most certainly would put any person, especially Bonnie, into hysterics. Except they were mostly lying dead, which was just sad. I hope they find their way out.  One of those in the sill was waking up and getting active during my shower this morning. I got out as quickly as possible.

 On a different note, we had a service opportunity this Saturday. We took pictures of headstones and compared the names on them to a list the cemetery had. It was great. We had a lovely time and ate many snacks. Also, here's a picture of me on Ward Drive.

This last picture is of a suspicious envelope Charles saw on the pavement by our apartment as he was getting out of his car. This seems to be a confirmation of our suspicions that many such envelopes are exchanged on the street corner by our house. I told him he should have ground it into the pavement so it couldn't be used by anyone who found it. He said he'd do that next time. Oops.

Friday, April 25, 2014

The Auction

I've never attended a real auction. You know, a place where they have to sell everything from a home. Last weekend Charles and I attended a luau auction fundraiser for the Boy Scouts. A couple of the items donated were less popular, but at real auctions the auctioneer just keeps picking up stuff and pairing items until people start bidding. I'll remember that for the next auction.

The food was delicious, the dancing was awesome, and the items were pretty cool too. Charles and I donated a couple things from around the house. One such item was an electric bass guitar we could've sold on Ebay, but couldn't be bothered with the hassle. Such is life. It turned out to be one of the highest netting items.

Charles and I animatedly participated in the paddle lift and walked away with a basket of thank you cards created by the young women, a bath salts basket, a couple vases, and a tent. The tent was a surprise. It was in a box at the end of the auction, when everyone was leaving. The auctioneer lifted it up, and we bought it for $10, without even knowing what was inside. 

When we brought it home and opened it up, what we thought was a tarp was actually a tent. It will fit one person...two if you're married or under 12. Score! 

I kept two of the vases and will be selling the other two May 10 & 17 at my sister America's Castro Valley multi-family garage sale. Along with some clothing, cups, and maybe some books, those vases will be moving out of my house, three months before Charles and I do.

My finger is doing alright. I know I cut it to the bone, because that's where it hurts the most when I touch it. Just lightly, to assuage my doubts of how deep the knife got before it stopped. The knuckle's also a little bruised. I like to keep on the gauze because it freaks me out when I'm staring at the stitches in my finger. Also, I hit it quite a lot. Hard. On everything. 

Here's a tip: If you get stitches in your finger, don't use that finger to 1. Start your car 2. Open your front door 3. Kill bugs 4. Clap 5. Hit fiercely on the wall.

Wednesday, April 23, 2014

My Frankenfinger

Last Saturday Charles and I went paint balling. We went with our friends Meghan and Justin with a groupon. I found out a couple things that day.

1. Getting hit in the head once, and also 4x by paintballs is intensely painful.
2. Paintball is an expensive hobby.
3. Groupon can save you lots of money for your expensive hobbies- $25 each instead of $60.
4. I'm a little trigger happy.
5. When it's broiling hot outside and you layered against injury, you should bring water.
6. Don't leave your extra half bag of paintballs on the table, little felons will steal them.
7. It isn't wise to try and sneak off your field using the empty one next to it when another group is about to go in. You will get caught and have to walk all the way around again.

I got stitches for the first time today. Five of them. Pete took a picture of us, but it wasn't flattering, so I'm not going to post it. You know what I look like.

It happened as I emphatically cleaned my Cutco spreader this morning. It still happens to be in the sink, since I looked inside my finger and saw China. After that, I called my sister who luckily lives quite close. 

Turns out I'm a baby. The doctor told me to calm down my lamas breathing until he'd actually started. Honestly, when he injected my finger 4x at the base I felt extremely uncomfortable. After that it was smooth sailing. Still, going to the doctor is the worst. I told Charles I'd thought about super gluing it. Stellar husband that he is, he hid the super glue. I'd better find it before my next emergency. What if I need it?

And now, how will I ever live this down? Charles already won't let me open cans, since I regularly cut myself on them when rinsing them for our recycle bin. Speaking of the bin, I need to take it out when I get home. Be safe out there, all you knife and can users.

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Screaming in my head-

Have you ever experienced that? I often scream inside my head. It doesn't happen now as much as it did on my mission. 

For example, yesterday when I received a call about my car costing loads of money to fix. That caused me to scream inside my head for a little while.

My most vivid experiences of inner screaming happen when I am required to do something I do not wish to do. Life happens and you roll with it. Sometimes, you scream inside, but you still do what must be done.

You might wonder what sorts of things make me scream in my head. You have been frustrated before, but have never screamed in your head. Let me enlighten you.

1. Anything that demands debasement or complete humility spurs me into inner commotion. I am a nice person most of the time, but am quite stubborn. Sorry friends. When I am right, but others won't admit I'm right, I get angry. Pride is a terrible burden to maintain. 

2. When we milked the goats and they stepped into the bucket, nullifying all efforts to extract worthwhile goods from them, I would scream inside my head. It's easier to scream on the inside, because then you don't startle others.

3. At times when others misinterpret what I have said to them, I feel frustrated and quite internally vocal. Everybody wants to feel validated.

4. Bossy. I'm bossy. I hate it. What do I hate more? People bossing me around. I can't manage to not be angry when someone is persistently and indelibly bossy with me.

5. If I feel cheated. Road rage is another name for it. It happens when I'm late for an event and it's someone else's fault. My eyes bug out and I sit in stony silence as my rage consumes me. Also happens after I've spent loads of money on anything: a car, the doctor, 

6. Boredom. Especially if I feel that I am waiting and need to take care of many things. Like waiting at a car place when you have a million other errands, but you can't do them without your car. 

7. Bugs. Especially earwigs and roaches. Never mind. That's more of an external scream.

Charles helps me remain calm by telling me to breathe and answering his phone whenever I call him. He's a nice guy. I love him. I also know when other people are making me crazy, we can laugh about it later. Together. 

Last week my sister America commented that he loves me in spite of the fact I'm crazy. He yelled out that he married me because I'm crazy. Boom boom ain't it great to be crazy. Boom boom ain't it great to be nuts. Boom boom ain't it great to be crazy. Silly and foolish all day long. Boom boom ain't it great to be crazy.

Checking out San Luis Obispo

Charles and I went to San Luis Obispo last week. 

1. After passing a group of youth, one of them called out "You'll have a beautiful baby." I don't know if they were talking to us, since I didn't turn around. It didn't occur to me they might have been until about 2 minutes later. I could have turned and said thanks. So I'll do it now. Thanks. Or she could have been saying it to her friend. In that case, congrats to her. Or was she saying I looked pregnant? If I could be sure I'd find her and make her pay a rudeness tax.

2. Driving to Pismo beach Friday afternoon, I looked over to see a white billy goat crammed into the back of a tiny car. I admit it, we took our goats around in our car when we had them. However, this goat was crammed into the back seat with his head crammed into the driver's seat. Let me draw you a picture... It obviously doesn't do the goat's cramped position justice. I wish Charles had seen it. He loves goats.

                  -       ''''     ?            -
                -         O  |      / \\       - 
--------------    \  ---|  |  ( )\ --  -     -------------
\\                       __\          \_ \_                     //
 //             ----                   ----                       \\
------------           --------           -----------------
               -  0  -              -   0   -
                -----                 -----

3. Sand crabs are vicious but our feet are so soft.

4. Walking to lunch we were behind two ladies in spandex. An hour later, walking back to the car, they were again right in front of us. Weren't so sneaky, were you, spies.....

5. We booked our hotel on Priceline for $50 a night. Unfortunately, since we didn't specify we wanted a No smoking room and they were booked fully for the weekend, we got a smoking room. That means we were assailed by noxious fumes every time we walked into our room, and sometimes in between. We brought a glade spray in from the car and sprayed it intermittently. Perhaps Febreze would have worked better.  I see their braggy commercials every day.

6. Professor Plum's shifter again went out. $680 later, we have decided to get a different car. Maybe a newer car would be more loyal to us and not demand loads of money to be dropped on it at all times.

7. The Lord loves us because we could have been stranded far from home, but the shifter went out 2 miles from our mechanic's shop.

8. Watched Captain America. Loved it. Loved seeing it for $4 on a Tuesday at 7 pm.

9. Am still wondering why there are always shoe marks on the toilet in my workplace bathroom. You're not supposed to stand on the seats people, you're supposed to sit on them. Get a seat cover if you want to feel safe. I'll bet if you fell off your toilet perch you would get mightily injured.

10. Just ate rice, sushi, and salmon for lunch. Feel quite tired. I thought it was the gluten, but I guess I was wrong.

11. I haven't yet made Easter plans, but in my dream last night we had a church primary program. The kids were everywhere, the congregation was small, and we weren't very prepared. I mostly experience dreams set during church or school. I have many where I can't remember my locker combination.

Friday, April 4, 2014


Have you ever:

1. Thought  your diamond ring might shatter the glass on your shower doors?
2. Tried spitting out your car door and not rolled it down first? Or not rolled it down quite enough?
3. Wondered why that one eyelash is straight when all the other eyelashes got the memo and curled, even though they all are coated with the same amount of bat poop
4. Imagined having twins or triplets? Taking two or three car seats in and out of your car every time you want to go someplace?
5. Dreaded having your front teeth knocked out and pictured the fallback.

Me neither. However, those hypothetical happenings are the reasons why I:

1. Check the glass I hit right after, to make sure there are no cracks
2. Always just open my door and spit straight down into the road, and keep napkins in my car in case of emergency
3. Made a note to double check all my eyelashes are on the same page before I drop my mascara applicator.
4. Panicked a little about having kids but consciously enjoy all the me time I currently have.
5. Always use the railing when descending stairs and avoid skateboards.

Dude. This morning I saw a car change lanes 9x, in two miles. I wouldn't have noticed, except they changed lanes right in front of me. Then right back to their lane. Then the blinker immediately turned on again to come into my lane. 

So I sped up. No way was the crazy lane changer coming back into my lane in front of me. Three cars back, the white acura came back into my lane. Then into the other lane. 5 minutes later I looked back and they were behind me. Then back in my neighbor lane. I thought, what the heck is that car doing over there? Right when I witnessed this last touch of madness, Whackura changed back into my lane. Then two more lane changes and he was out of my sight.

Listen man. No matter how many times you change lanes during stop and go traffic, you will not go any faster than the other cars. Wicked dumb man. Wicked dumb.