Friday, October 17, 2014

Ahh the French-

Perhaps I should mention other countries in my blog posts, but this week, since more people from France (71) have looked at my blog than people from the United States (70), I am thrilled and don't mind mentioning anyone else. It might be due to past references of the French. I do love me some French bread.

In other news, I am working towards getting my book published, but it takes forever and gee whiz if it isn't a pain to edit my lovely word child over and over again. However, as Orson Scott Card said, don't get mad if nobody wants to publish your book. Just make it worth publishing. Something about risk and publishers assuming it all, yada yada. True dat.

So I decided to write a Query letter on my blog. That way, you people have to read it, or have already stopped reading this. If you like, you can give advice about what to change so you would actually want to read this book. Or if you know anyone who wants to publish a book like mine, or mine, let me know.

I know, it's shameless of me to talk about my book Awkward Begets Happiness: Memoirs of a Playa on my blog. However, I'm assuming if you read this blog, you would also be totally interested in reading a whole book based off all the embarrassing situations I have been. Or at least a small percentage of them. Plus, Amanda, Cyndi, Sarah, Bonnie, Tiffanie, Heather, Summer, and Clint, your stories are in here. That said, here is my query letter thus far:

Query Letter

Attn. Mrs. Snoops (that's you):

(The Hook) So I said, “Yes, but if you touch me, I’ll put my skate in your face.” Every bad situation includes serious awkwardness. In Awkward Begets Happiness, a 47,289 word compilation of essays, readers experience weirder than fiction yet relatable stories and walk away with a smirk and some advice for love and life.

(Mini Synopsis) Embarrassment feeds growth. That is what I will tell my drama filled teenagers someday. Yet teenagers do not have a monopoly on embarrassment. You know it and I know it. This compilation of humorous essays tells of awkward dating stories, life experiences, and that time my hand got stuck in the buttcrack of an acquaintance.

(Writer's Bio) As an active blogger, I have more than 500 page views monthly and 16,740 views in its history. I have always loved reading. I always had more than my fair share of awkwardness and began collecting these stories to prove that others have similar experiences. I read about your (agent's accomplishments).

Thank you for your time and consideration. I have included an outline, table of contents, and sample chapters for your review.


Merilee Ward

I then will include my table of contents and outline. Except my table of contents is just a list of chapters and my outline is just a list of chapters with little blurbs and a quote for each story. Turns out my story is 76 pages, but my outline is 6 pages.


HJolley said...

When you say Heather, do you mean me? Or is there another Heather in your life?

Rach said...

Ahh I had typed a long, beautiful comment and then accidentally deleted it!!! Phooey. Here is a synopsis instead:
I SO WANT TO READ YOUR BOOK!!!! Based on knowing you and reading your blog, that is. I feel like your query letter is lacking your traditional playa flava and creativity! More diverse language (synonyms for "awkward", replacing cliches with new, juicy phrases that mean the same thing) would help I think. You have the kind of personality and writing style that grabs people behind the eyeballs and basically forces them to read everything that you write (that's what happened to me I swear), but the query letter is sort of bland. Not enough salt. Not that you should put salty language in there, that's probably a bad idea too, but maybe some paprika would be nice ;) I know these things have a format and you have to stick to it. But I think you could find a way to make it work for you.
That said, I especially loved the "Embarrassment feeds growth" line and I so want to hear the butt crack story!

I hope your book is published!!!! That would be awesome. Could you please become a motivational speaker after your national book tour?! :D