Juniper blossoms-

I went to the German stake dance tonight. It may or may not be officially called the Nuremburg stake. Anyway, lamest dance ever. Here's why: 

1. The first hour, my friend Maria and I were the only two dancers on the floor with a bunch of married folk at the tables watching us. We felt like the floor show.

2. The second hour, after dinner, we were two of four dancers. The other two were ages 2 and 3. 3 wet her pants, but luckily her parents had a change of clothes for her.

3. Nobody in Germany dances in a cluster, they only dance in pairs. Girls dance with other girls, but in pairs. Boys dance with girls, only in pairs. That or sit on the sidelines, I am so glad I was born American.

4. The teenage girls gave us looks of disdain when we waved them over to dance with us.

5. The uncle of our dancing partners came over to dance with Maria who told him all about my single status.

6. Uncle asked me to dance right when we were leaving and continued dancing with me the next three songs without reasking me.

7. My knee got tweaked in the middle of dance time and was killing me the last two hours of it.

Q. Uncle's dance style required much weight to transfer over to lame knee, causing it to buckle numerous times.

8. The four single males in attendance were all age 14 by the looks of them and all sported weird vibes. Bless the German girls who danced with them all night.

9. I was told again my idea to hold off a mission for a cell contract is unwise, dumb, and completely unnecessary. Problem solved, my mom solved it- (this is a side note and does not count toward the lameness of the night and should be put on the record as improving it immensely.)

Advice for future living

A. Never run 5 miles before going to a promising stake dance in the springtime dales of Germany.

2. If your knee hurts, don't dance like a freak for a couple hours and act surprised when you can't walk the entire next week.

D. Don't judge people, because they sure as heckfire are judging you, and weren't you supposed to stop gossiping last week?

5. When a strange man asks you where you live, don't tell him. Even if he is a return missionary and especially not if he lives in the area.

6. If you take the dog out, he doesn't piddle, and you hear people breaking beer bottles in the distance, go inside. B/c dog, you had your chance.

7. Giant gingerbread cookie necklaces are not meant to be worn, especially not during swing dances, double especially not when you have a tender chest and are at risk for bruising after multiple hits from your dance partner's chest. Don't even put it on, he will tell you it's too late to remove it and make you wear it for the duration of the dance.

8. If a little girl peed her pants, why would you let her sit in your lap? Oh good, they fitted her with a diaper.

Z. Always wear sunscreen.

This is all. Mostly, it was a grand dance, but I was disappointed about the man count. Not terribly surprising, considering my decision, but still strangely disappointing. My knee hurts. I'm icing it currently. Then...maybe I'll heat it. My wall plugs are far away from my bed, so I'll have to sit on the floor to use the heating pad if I decide that option is wise.

And I'm babbling. For the record, it's getting late. I usually go to bed at 10 pm. It's 12:41 am. For those of you surprised by the insert about a mission, I've decided to go on a mission. It will help to humble me, something I need. I'll learn tons of stuff. It will help me grow spiritually, so I'm going to start filling out my paperwork and telling all my suiters to find other girls to shower with love.