Friday, June 20, 2014

Shape shifting-

Manual driven cars are the gift that keep on giving.

I went to the bank this morning. As I entered the establishment; line bustling, bankers humming, a bank representative yell-asked about a car. A moving car. A moving purple car, named the Professor, backing into the parking lot because he wanted to. It wouldn't have been a huge deal, except there were no people in the moving car. All the people were in line. 15 of them. Hello folks. BRB.

So I ran outside, re-parked my car, and put on the parking brake. As I went back inside, a teller told me she thought I'd forgotten to put on my parking brake. Thanks loads Sherlock. The mystery has been solved.

I had forgotten to apply the parking brake, it had rolled backwards, and everyone in the bank had seen the whole lovely kafofle. I have it on tape. In my mind. That's for you Christin. I've told lots of people that story and I still get a kick out of it.

Sometimes people mistake the purpose of certain spiritual meetings. Every first Sunday of the month, members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints have the opportunity to bear testimony of the sacrifice and divinity of Jesus Christ. However, unfortunately, some people take that opportunity to present a list of hardships, ramble, or confess sins. This story is an example of the latter.

During one such meeting, a guy walked up at the podium, and said in contrition "I had an affair...with her." He then pointed to the organist. Needless to say, the organist was embarrassed, began shaking her head in denial, and started to cry. He paused for emphasis, then continued, "In. My. Mind."

Can you imagine the first thoughts of the woman's husband? Others in attendance of that meeting will now unwittingly associate that poor organist with the crazy guy that stated an imagining as a truth that one time and then retracted.

Confession of sins is a very private process. You should not feel the need to tell people what you have done wrong, but how your life can and does change through a desire to do and be better. Remember that when you're telling stories about yourself and others.

When I was about ten years old, we were chatting about hygiene as a family. I remember bragging about my own habits, and how I changed my underwear once a week. Even though I showered twice a week. I was so proud. Imagine my surprise when my Dad censured me and said I should change it EVERY DAY. Wait, wha? I thought I had great hygiene.

Imagine his surprise when I then told my Daddio about another sweet idea I'd been following through with: sleeping in my clothes. I did it so I could sleep longer. Hey, I have always needed my sleep.

You've seen me. I fall asleep everywhere. I fall asleep during every movie climax, after lunch, before dinner, after dinner, at the movies, at the dentist, and at bedtime. I think you know what I mean when I say bedtime. Every time I get into my bed, it's bedtime.

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