Thursday, June 4, 2015

Oops, it's June-

Sorry folks, my life got a little busier at work in May and I rarely go online after work. Why would I stare at the same alien light during the night that I do every day for 8 hours? I'd much rather watch movies after work. Irony noted.

Now, here we are, blogging and stuff. Today for lunch, I have stroganoff (My spellcheck wishes to change this word to strongman. Permission denied, spellcheck) and enchiladas. Not together. I wouldn't. However, apart, yes I would.

Congratulations to all my lovely friends getting engaged, married, babied, and dogs. Your lives are full. I feel you.

I would like to tell you about two important things that have happened in my life recently. Whoa. Ok, here goes.

1. I have decided the papaya diet is the best cleanser there is. If you want some kind of body cleanse, to clean you out, eat a whole bunch of papaya. It does taste like honey fruit, but if you can just get past that and eat it, you will experience a special kind of cleanse.

It's a wonderful thing I noticed on my mission. I got sick of eating beans and scrambled eggs all the time and moved over to eating papaya and watermelon for meals. It was awesome.

Now, to get a good papaya, go to the fruit section and select the oldest, most rotten looking fruit you can find. Well, try not to pick one that's too sickly looking, but honestly those are the ripest, most delicious picks, so you should definitely just take your chances.

Take it home, slice the peel off the outside like you would a giant apple, and take ALL the seeds out. Don't eat them. They are yucky. Then, slice up that mama pizza and eat it like you would cantaloupe. Eat loads of it. Then, you will not see it again until tomorrow. You will know what I'm talking about. And that, my friends, is science.

2. Our friend Fred died. Well, the spider living behind our plunger, who we always assumed was a man spider, but was found spinning together a giant egg sac in plain sight. Now, I'm totes ok with a spider feeding on silverfish behind our plunger.

What I'm not ok with, is millions of wicked looking spiders taking over my house. I've seen that movie. So I texted my personal assassin yesterday and told him to "Take Fred OUT". And he did. He asked if I wanted to say goodbye, and I said no. Firstly, I was reading and I'm almost done with Wheel of Time book 11. Secondly, and I repeat myself, I've seen that movie. I didn't want Fred leaping affectionately onto my face once he/she saw the goodbye look in my eyes.

So Charles killed Fred. And flushed Fred's egg sac. With all the millions of baby demon spiders with him. My one regret was I never saw the top of that spider, which I'm assuming was poisonous and deadly, but now I can never prove it. Blast.

So now you know all the juicy details of my life. You are welcome.

1 comment:

Brooke Evans said...

Putting down a Wheel of Time book near the end is hard.