Friday, April 4, 2014


Have you ever:

1. Thought  your diamond ring might shatter the glass on your shower doors?
2. Tried spitting out your car door and not rolled it down first? Or not rolled it down quite enough?
3. Wondered why that one eyelash is straight when all the other eyelashes got the memo and curled, even though they all are coated with the same amount of bat poop
4. Imagined having twins or triplets? Taking two or three car seats in and out of your car every time you want to go someplace?
5. Dreaded having your front teeth knocked out and pictured the fallback.

Me neither. However, those hypothetical happenings are the reasons why I:

1. Check the glass I hit right after, to make sure there are no cracks
2. Always just open my door and spit straight down into the road, and keep napkins in my car in case of emergency
3. Made a note to double check all my eyelashes are on the same page before I drop my mascara applicator.
4. Panicked a little about having kids but consciously enjoy all the me time I currently have.
5. Always use the railing when descending stairs and avoid skateboards.

Dude. This morning I saw a car change lanes 9x, in two miles. I wouldn't have noticed, except they changed lanes right in front of me. Then right back to their lane. Then the blinker immediately turned on again to come into my lane. 

So I sped up. No way was the crazy lane changer coming back into my lane in front of me. Three cars back, the white acura came back into my lane. Then into the other lane. 5 minutes later I looked back and they were behind me. Then back in my neighbor lane. I thought, what the heck is that car doing over there? Right when I witnessed this last touch of madness, Whackura changed back into my lane. Then two more lane changes and he was out of my sight.

Listen man. No matter how many times you change lanes during stop and go traffic, you will not go any faster than the other cars. Wicked dumb man. Wicked dumb.

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