Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Screaming in my head-

Have you ever experienced that? I often scream inside my head. It doesn't happen now as much as it did on my mission. 

For example, yesterday when I received a call about my car costing loads of money to fix. That caused me to scream inside my head for a little while.

My most vivid experiences of inner screaming happen when I am required to do something I do not wish to do. Life happens and you roll with it. Sometimes, you scream inside, but you still do what must be done.

You might wonder what sorts of things make me scream in my head. You have been frustrated before, but have never screamed in your head. Let me enlighten you.

1. Anything that demands debasement or complete humility spurs me into inner commotion. I am a nice person most of the time, but am quite stubborn. Sorry friends. When I am right, but others won't admit I'm right, I get angry. Pride is a terrible burden to maintain. 

2. When we milked the goats and they stepped into the bucket, nullifying all efforts to extract worthwhile goods from them, I would scream inside my head. It's easier to scream on the inside, because then you don't startle others.

3. At times when others misinterpret what I have said to them, I feel frustrated and quite internally vocal. Everybody wants to feel validated.

4. Bossy. I'm bossy. I hate it. What do I hate more? People bossing me around. I can't manage to not be angry when someone is persistently and indelibly bossy with me.

5. If I feel cheated. Road rage is another name for it. It happens when I'm late for an event and it's someone else's fault. My eyes bug out and I sit in stony silence as my rage consumes me. Also happens after I've spent loads of money on anything: a car, the doctor, 

6. Boredom. Especially if I feel that I am waiting and need to take care of many things. Like waiting at a car place when you have a million other errands, but you can't do them without your car. 

7. Bugs. Especially earwigs and roaches. Never mind. That's more of an external scream.

Charles helps me remain calm by telling me to breathe and answering his phone whenever I call him. He's a nice guy. I love him. I also know when other people are making me crazy, we can laugh about it later. Together. 

Last week my sister America commented that he loves me in spite of the fact I'm crazy. He yelled out that he married me because I'm crazy. Boom boom ain't it great to be crazy. Boom boom ain't it great to be nuts. Boom boom ain't it great to be crazy. Silly and foolish all day long. Boom boom ain't it great to be crazy.

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