Killing evil fairies-

I killed a silverfish last night. I have an aversion to those creatures. They give me the shivers; even after they're dead. They're just too fast and silvery for my liking. Creepy little buggers. It was ginormous, as far as silverfish go, and sat concurrent to the window on our bedroom wall.

Charles was on his run. I usually make him kill the bugs at home, because his aim is better and then I don't have to freak out as much. He now just fetches the vacuum to suck them in, since our popcorn ceiling makes killing bugs difficult and nobody wants a pincher bug falling on their head.

I feel that killing a silverfish is like killing an evil fairy, because silver dust coats them even in death.

I would have put a picture of one here for you to look at, but apparently even pictures of them freak me out.

Ice cream for Sale!

When I was younger, probably around the age of 6, I would flip over our pink bigwheel. I'd sit on the back of it and yell at the top of my lungs "Ice cream for sale! Ice cream for sale!" Look at me now- I'm not selling it, I'm eating it. Mmm, thanks ice cream man; for the hope of ice cream all those years ago- though I cannot for the life of me remember actually getting the treat of ice cream from one of those trucks.

In Guatemala, people would walk around town with freezer carts full of popsicles. They'd usually be selling an assortment of cool whip bars posing as ice cream, fruit flavored popsicles, and choco bananas. The choco bananas were the best because they were cheap, it's really hot in Guatemala, and you could find them almost anywhere.

Today, instead of being a weirdo yelling about ice cream, I was creeping through bushes looking for pine cones.

A couple of days ago, a couple friends and I were planning crafts for our breakfast with Santa coming up this weekend. We happened to come across the idea of owls made from pine cones. Imagine our rapture and excitement. We had found a seemingly simple and worthwhile craft any child could assemble and any mother could display with pride.

I was tasked with finding pine cones, as I had volunteered that we have a heavy-laden pine tree right outside our back door.

Unfortunately for us, there were only 8 cones when I looked for them on Wednesday night. Since I have a couple pine trees along the outside perimeter of my work building, I also looked today during my lunch hour for raw owl materials.

I noticed some beds of pine needles, so I was a little nervous about disturbing a homeless person's sleeping area. I threw my caution to the wind, however, and was able to find an additional 22 pine cones to my hoard- many of which were quite daintily sized. 

The nice part about gathering pine cones in that area, is nobody really paid attention to me; that I know of. However, as I walked next to our well-manicured building, looking under the bushes for any stray supplies that might be waiting, I noticed a couple of ladies talking close by.

I happened to crouch in the bushes, rustling around in their vicinity and then Ack! Eye contact. I couldn't look away. So I asked the lady whom I had eye contacted if she could toss the pine cone on her side of the fence over to me. I believe that alleviated about 3 ounces of awkwardness. The rest lay intact at my feet.

Tonight I will be baking them in my oven and getting them all ready to decorate. Owl bet you want to make one yourself, don't you?

Rita's Rainbows

Can you imagine looking at this sweet face every day?

Llama

Saturday, December 5, 2015 from 10-5 PM I'll be sitting at Grange Hall selling all manner of fancy things. The address is 2880 Broad Street, SLO.

I've been to fairs before, so I need to keep my guard up. There will be handmade items everywhere and Christmas is coming.

It is a difficult thing to buy items for people. You want to buy them something they do not already have and would probably not find elsewhere. You don't want to pay too much, but vendors have spent time on their goods and will not sell for too little.

My friend Daniel, who works with me at SMS Masterminds told me about this craft fair, because his mother is in charge of it. It's called Rita's Rainbows and after Rita died, her mother started organizing this craft fair in honor of her love of crafting. 100% of the proceeds go to kids and teens in need. My friends Holly, Kiwi, and I are vending ornaments, rings, and fancy animals.

This is my first experience of selling my fancy animals at any type of fair. As you know, I started an Etsy store, however, it is currently empty as I've been making fancy animals and using them for wedding and baby shower gifts. Since this fair's coming up, I thought I'd try my hand at it. If I have some leftover stock, I'll post them in my Etsy store.

Turtle

Thestral

Rings and things

Ornaments that can fit in the palm of your hand- who wouldn't want a tiny turtle or a little hoot to hang on their tree? Also, these are cool stocking stuffers.

Fancy animals to look forward to: 

Kangaroo

Thestral

Tiny owl

Big Eyebrowed Owl

Hippopotamus

Cat

Turtle

Stegosaurus

Seal

Old Hat

"Just pinch it between your two fingers like this"- Getting body ready for baby: IVF 101.

Finding out that you have to inject yourself every day for a month is kind of terrifying. I'll be honest, some days it is easier than other days. I'm grateful that I do not have to do that for the rest of my life as some people do- like those with diabetes. My friends who have to do it every day, I feel for you and am terribly sorry.

Fun fact: As your body figures out it is being punctured by foreign objects regularly, it actually begins to toughen and becomes more resistant to needle punctures. Translation: You have to push harder to get the needle into your body. To slow this process, they tell you to alternate sides. I noticed this toughening of my skin within the first week. Not cool, every changing body. Not cool.

After two weeks of injecting myself in the gut, Charles then had to inject me, for two weeks with a horse needle, into the cheek of my butt. So that is something to look forward to again. Woot woot.

To help me cope, Charles ingeniously thought up a prize program for me. Every day, after receiving an injection, he would give me my surprise. It was nice to get a prize for such a miserable daily occurrence. If you need prize ideas, here are a couple:

A fancy owl cup
See's Candy
Jamba Juice
In'N'Out
A shopping bag with my face emblazoned on it

The man's sweet. Since we're total cheapskates at our house, he used gift certificates we already had for half of the items and individual chocolates on the other days. It was so nice. I loved my sweet presents. I felt bad for him that he didn't get treats, but he said it wouldn't be fair if he got treats since he wasn't getting injections every day. Good point. Ha ha, get it. I said.. never mind.

This is a picture of the bruise on my belly button after the egg harvest. How did I get it? No idea.

Now that I'm old hat at stabbing myself, I didn't think I would be getting prizes anymore. Yesterday, when I got home, somebody at home told me to close my eyes and open my mouth. Thanks for the See's candy, Charles. It's nice to get treats, even when you're old hat.

https://www.generosity.com/fundraisers/starting-our-family--2

Terror-

Yesterday I clipped my very cool SMS Masterminds metal water bottle with carabiner to my pants. I had never done that before and probably won't do it again.

Reason 1- It is a metal bottle
Reason 2- I sway my hips when I walk
Reason 3- We have glass doors in the office
Reason 4- I am not so careful

With all those reasons combined, I give you my plan for- TADAH- shattered office doors anonymous. Oops.

The door didn't shatter, but it could have. Stan said the doors here are probably way stronger than my metal water bottle and you could punch one and do no damage. I'd like to play it safe and just say "As long as you don't have small children or breakable items anywhere in your vicinity, it is an ok idea to transfer that metal bottle to your belt. Otherwise, don't take any chances.

Also, tonight is the championship softball game for my coed work team. I'm the catcher- because I can throw, but I can't catch. However, I have figured out when to hit the ball. So there it is. Now you know my strengths and weaknesses. At least those in softball.

Thank you my dear readers for reading. If you are looking for more things to read or want to learn more about what's going on with my husband Charles and me, here is a link to pass along: https://www.generosity.com/fundraisers/starting-our-family--2

Blood and Ashes- A lesson in standard math

I said that today. It's a curse from the book series Wheel of Time. And I stopped myself in the middle, because I realized I was cursing- kind of.

We go through about 8 bags of coffee here at my work monthly. I buy the bags, make the coffee, and throw away the empty bags. One day, I noticed those bags had star stickers on them and decided to check out the rewards online. If I were not buying those bags of coffee, there would be no reason for me to ever visit the Starbucks website.

Anyhow, today I found out the 15 Starbucks stars I was supposed to receive on my Starbucks rewards card were not awarded because I did not buy, in 2 weeks time, 7 $15 bags of coffee from the Starbucks store. I bought them from Von's grocery store. Do I drink coffee? No. My coworkers drink loads of it however and I buy it for the office. I also happen to love free things. What do I get from Starbucks if someone gives me the choice? A frappuccino from Starbucks- which is pretty much a vanilla milk shake.

I am displeased with you Starbucks. Not only do I have to buy 30 bags of coffee to get any kind of reward, but the "free rewards" I was told I would be receiving were not awarded. Bad form. Now I have to buy another 12 bags of coffee for one $4 reward. To break it down for you, my company spent $630, and I get a free $4 milkshake and no "earned" special rewards. If I'd bought 42 $5 cups of coffee, I could've "earned" those 15 points and spent $210. So, it looks like someone needs to go back to math school, because that makes no sense to me.

Not a good week to mess with me Starbucks- I just started my second period of the month and I'm not feeling so awesome. Blood and bloody ashes.

Fun Times at the fire station-

If you're looking for an interesting and exciting expedition to do with industrious 8 year old boys, the fire station should be on your list. Firemen are great role models and they give great tours.

Here in San Luis Obispo, we have 4 fire stations. Charles and I were actually quite overwhelmed with the number of fire stations around here when we first moved to the area, and found out they're actually going to propose the building of another fire station because of the number of calls they get. 

While we were with the scouts, in the classroom of our local fire station, the boys were asked if they had any questions. One of the boys raised his hand, and asked "How many people a year do you not save?" If I had been drinking anything at that moment, it would have come out of my nose. What a question to ask a fireman. They risk their lives and safety all the time for others, and that had to be the first question the scouts asked.

This question actually brings me to a meeting we had with our mission president, in our tiny branch building, with four missionaries and some other leaders of the ward. Our mission president was making a point about bringing people back to church.

He asked who on our list of people we had not seen at church, would we like to bring back to church. Well everybody, was the answer. We would like to save everyone on the list. That answer, humbly given and thoughtfully promoted, is our goal. Isn't it the main message of Jesus Christ? To save everyone?

Shouldn't we be nice to all people? Shouldn't we try harder to be kinder to those people we struggle talking with?

Well, the fireman at the front, explained to those scouts some qualifiers for saving people. He said sometimes an older person might have already have died or all their units might be out on another emergency when calls came in. He said they did their best with what they had. I would like to add, that we must also help others to help themselves. I try to do that as often as I can. It's important to maintain self reliance but to not be prideful. My pride is quite formidable at times.

Actually, lately I have come to more fully understand the reliance we have on others. When we are sad, it takes a village to buoy us up. When we are low on taco Tuesday, it's the taco sponsors that bring you up. If you feel sad, sometimes it's the puppies in a pumpkin that sweeten your day. And sometimes you just need a hug. So look around you for people who need hugs. They're all over the place, and sometimes a puppy in a pumpkin is hard to locate.

Hip. Hip hop. Hip hop. Anonymous?

Serious amounts of acid reflux going on over here. It's Taco Tuesday and I had some tacos. I take full responsibility for eating them. And yet, I've done it before and I'll do it again. Ah, tacos.

It brings to memory all my good times of being young and crazy. Bon, do you remember climbing under the magazine table at our piano teacher's house, while refusing to ever come out? I tried to coax you out for your lesson, truly I did. I myself was jealous of your innovative thought process. Honestly, sometimes I still think about climbing under tables. Like tonight.

Tonight we host the tri-monthly Hunger Games otherwise known as scouts. Usually known to breed bigger, faster, stronger teenage humans who will masterfully take over the conversational world one word at a time. Also known as It is always difficult to keep one's hands to oneself Day. We shall see how that goes.

We will be cutting open nothing, as they are not allowed to use knives as Wolves. For good reason. We will be wrestling only with their minds, inasmuch as through fruitless countermeasures of speech these young cubs converse only toward other cubs, not with adults of any kind. We will be speaking only in metaphors of death and extreme violence, as somehow this is the language of tiny male children.

The activity will be strewn about as though no thought had been put into it. Then the children will wish to play a game, as only physical exertion with exercise equipment is classified as a worthwhile game. Then we will cherish dreams of talking about real life experiences, as we discuss toppling thieves with giant bowling balls and flatulence.

Those who asked us to serve never said it would make sense to teach these growing minds. Who would publicly spout such nonsense? And yet I miss the ones who left. Is that how it is to have kids? Can I do it? Do I dare? Will I feel so fruitless as a teacher of my own spawn, while sitting in a strawberry rhubarb pie covered with vanilla ice cream? Of course I dare! I dare to pack fake maps with fake soap and fake whistles to glorify the call of being prepared. I hereby pack paper symbolizing sunscreen into an imagined wilderness bag tonight and all nights!!!!!

And now, the woodwinds. Do you hear their sweet song of harmony? The little blue bird of mercy is singing your name. All of these things begin again, as we remember the forgiveness of a loving piano teacher and Bonnie crawling under the table. Ah to be young again. Now, please put down that knife little one and grab some spare double A's. We're fake hike packing, and if you don't bring the flashlight and tweezers, we'll never get that tick out of what's his name's armpit.

Life is but a Dream-

Although I do not currently reside completely behind it, it took me a while to build the wall.

Surely you know about feelings. I have them. I assume you have them. More recently, I have come to appreciate the importance of sharing your feelings in the right way, at the right time.

In a desperate attempt to cope during my changeover from English to the Spanish language, I made serious headway in the art of hiding one's feelings. It is, incoming understatement, indescribably difficult to switch languages completely and suddenly. Despite what my companions might have assumed, it is not as easy and artless as one would hope to alter a person's patters of communication on a whim.

You might previously have held important ideas. "I know things", you think. "It's bad to be late", you may panic. "We are not using our time effectively", one might suggest. These were all received with one word-"Paciencia". And with patience, the stones of silence were cemented. As I sat at my desk, waiting to leave, a brick was laid. While she brushed her hair and checked the mirror for the fourth time, I shoveled mortar into place. As we intentionally blew off a heartfelt invitation for no reason at all, I screamed in my head.

It is a lonely time in another country when caged inside your mind. Reading, praying, and writing letters only lets out so much of that wild emotion. Did I lose someone to their new baby? She never writes me. Does suffering make a person better? I often felt that it did not. However, if it did, I could only be the best.

Why do we make ourselves suffer so much? Even now I often visit my personal stress boutique.

Poor Charles. Now, when I cry, instead of sharing all those pent up feelings, I sit in silence and collect nothings together until they begin to form a pile of something. When I can finally express my burden of feeling into words, he calmly addresses those concerns individually with care and delicacy.

After these concerns are addressed with calm reason and maths, I watch them slowly dissipate into the mists around me and the tears are gone. Where did they come from? Where did they go? The devil is a pernicious one for trouble. He's is especially skilled at pulling fears from thin air.

My life is excellent and suddenly it turns, with nothing tainting my existence but fear and woeful ignorance of the future.

Therefore I say these things, though not lightly:

I hope the surgery went well. I love you.
I'm sorry about your brother. I love you.
I'm sorry we are not so close as we once were. I love you.
I shouldn't have pushed you backwards off the bench at the aquarium. I love you.
Sorry I'm crazy. I love you.
Stop worrying about coming home and be happy. I love you.
You work too much. I love you.
You are kind. I love you.
I went to a skater park and thought of you. Wear a helmet. I love you.
Keep making hats. I love you.
You have lots of kids. I love you.
They're lucky to have you. I love you.
He/she is thinking of you too. I love you.

And just remember, when you feel sad or don't think anyone cares, your Heavenly Father loves you. And I love you too.

The power of autonomous spreads-

You are thinking little of salad dressings at this moment and wondering what a magical nymph would possibly eat on their salad that could be autonomous.

Can you eat salad dressings on sandwiches, not unless you count mayonnaise, which is just silly, because it's not a dressing. It's a condiment. And can you really say mayonnaised bread is wearing a dress? I say nay.

However, have you ever gotten a hold of pesto sauce? You can utilize the heck out of pesto. How about lemon curd? Honestly, any dressing you could drink straight from the jar seems more of a dessert to me.

Yes, I'm still talking about lemon curd. You can spread that juice on bread, over desserts, drop it in curried carrot soup (a la Canute) or even eat it plain. Albeit, what sort of person would just eat it by the spoonful? You must admit, it is just like eating a drab of lemon meringue pie without having to make an entire pie.

Italian dressing can be used in green salad, but also in pasta salad and to braise chicken. Mustard is also a good way to prepare chicken- surprise surprise.

In my own modest home we don't eat a lot of salad. In fact, last week we only ate half of the round of jello prepared and finally washed the leftover crust from the pan after the hemming and hawing over wastefulness had been put to rest. Those were inner hemming and hawings, Charles would never hesitate to throw away a shriveled apricot left in a dried piece of jello. Few would have that hesitation. Thanks Mom.

This past week, in a celebratory gesture welcoming change, happiness, and the beginning of new adventures, we ate at Olive Garden. I believe we received the gift card we used as a Christmas present two years ago. Thanks Jenny! We looked up a coupon for a free appetizer on his phone and went inside.

Charles was startled when I asked if he'd like to take our food to go, because then we'd save money on a tip. Listen, I was just trying to be frugal. However, after seeing his face, I reconsidered and we had a nice dinner on the town.

We started with some lovely fried artichokes, followed by soup and breadsticks. We tried to manage our food intake the best way possible, so we could enjoy eating the main dish while it was fresh. We also utilized the buy one, take one deal. All in all, we still spent some money, but it was nice to be able to go all out and eat a little crazy.

The waitress reminded me of my Alaska friend Krista. She did a great job. After we ate, we took a walk and then went out for froyo afterwards. Thanks for those gift certificates Michelle! We were going to share one, but it turns out I and the Mr. like different things in our froyo. So we ended up getting two and I had Charles finish mine. So we should probably have just gotten one. Oh well.

You're probably thinking all we do is eat. Well, you're wrong. We eat and watch movies. Now you can be satisfied that you know our goings on. Lately, I've also been reading all manner of books. Charles has also been tracking parts for and building his robot. Which is actually just as interesting as it sounds, because as you know, Robots are cool.

We started Scouts yesterday and went swimming this weekend. We also went to the beach Saturday, ate some corn, and played some ultimate frisbee. We missed you Don. We didn't play for long, as it was getting dark and the water was coming up. We found a frisbee!!! And then the guys with the cooler that passed us playing with our other frisbee stole it. Jerks. My one consolation would be if it actually had been their frisbee that got lost and then found, but that's a long shot. We'll just say that was the truth, even if only to make ourselves feel better.

Complaints to the Chafe-

Contrary to any sensible thought process, I had the strange conviction this morning that there was a bug in the toe of my shoe.

I knew this to be a foolhardy thought, and so, while imagining a bug crawling helter skelter amongst my toes, I drove the rest of the way to my job.

I just checked, 9 hours later, and there is nothing in my shoe. Am I paranoid about bugs? Why yes, yes I am.

I blame it on serving a mission in Guatemala for 18 months. There are many bugs there. Probably the most creepy part was moving to Guatemala City, into a community called Los Olivos. It seemed to be very civilized and modern. However, the house in which we lived, had a problem with cockroaches.

Quickly after moving in, I found out if we did not double bag our bread before going bedside, it would be filled with tiny cockroaches the next morning. Where did they come from? Why were there so many? Where did they go at night? I remember praying fervently that I would never find a cockroach in my bed. And I never did- except one time one of those tiny baby ones was by my pillow and I killed it immediately.

There were cockroaches in the electric panel box, in our spice box, under our gas oven range. Did I find that out in one day? No, but I knew they were coming from someplace and there were minimal places for them to hide. Anytime I saw one, it was smashed instantly.

I'm pretty sure they came out of the water drain in our fenced porch where the sink was. Thinking back, we should have kept a bowl over it anytime it wasn't in use. Except then where would the water go when it rained?

Anyway, after routinely killing any insect I found in the house, their presence was reduced to a couple times a week, versus the previous daily infestation. Did I spray them all with deadly pesticide, causing one companion to rant for hours about the headache it gave her? Why yes, yes I did. Did that same girl also tell me that cockroaches were God's creatures and that I should let them live? Why yes, yes she did. Do not worry. I paid her no mind. Not in my house, I won't.

Gradually, as the tiny man population in my house dwindled, the second sense I had developed dwindled yet continued on. Now that this sense has been awakened, it will forevermore find all the pincher bugs on my ceiling and walls at home and the spiders with egg sacs living underneath our kitchen cupboards. Much to the chagrin of Charles O'Keefe, the designated bug killer in our house.

With such a fancy imagination, it's no wonder I find the creativity to imagine bugs in my shoes every once in a while. What a treat.

A poem

Ode to Baldness

If you've met man or beast with a hairy head,
your eyes they have feasted on some heavy bread.
But a bald young man with no mop on top,
has many kinds of talents you have naught to stop.

They can change their face, with the removal of a cap.
On the top of their head, one can tappity tap.
Yet for just one day, I would trow to be bald.
For the strength of resolve it would take all in all.

I'm not a patient person, though I try to be kind.
Ask my friends, ask my family, I'm a little bit behind.
I don't have the fortitude to shave every day.
Not the top of my head; on my legs, hair does stay.

But the shaved, they are soft.
To the face, soft is kind.
Take the cap that is doffed
Oh, the sun, we are blind!

I'm not bound to a guy who is bald every day
when he shaves his sweet face all my troubles fall away.
I am, for your info, super bald on  my feet.
When our feet do the tango, what a treat! What a treat!

Llama Face

 You are probably wondering how I could possibly make a llama this cute, and yet I cannot make animals on command. That's clay for you... or magical sewing artistry.

My work family is piecing together a softball team. I will be the catcher. How did I get such a glamorous job? They surely picked me on the basis of always looking ready to sit in one place and throw softballs in a vaguely accurate way. They chose wisely. We will be playing Thursday nights and this might interfere with my Institute class. However, since I can't register anymore because I'm too old, I don't feel everlasting sorrow at this piece of news. Charles will just take notes for me.

Today, Hayward CA had an earthquake ranked a 4 on the Richter scale. Big news. In other big news, my ring rash came back in full fury. Bother. I rinsed my ring in vinegar again and am giving my ring finger a break. It's tired of lifting weights and needs a snack. I've been feeding it clove essential oils- strange and luxurious spices from the Orient. 

Let's see, I've just been called as the 1st Counselor in primary. That means every Sunday, I will give the firm and not quite evil eye to little girls and boys and sometimes teach lessons to them that hopefully a few of them will listen to. It will be wonderful.

Yesterday while googling some recipes, as Charles and I eat much soup for lunch, I found this. Enjoy. I did. It was yummy stew.

This is a birthday picture of Charles and cake. Before we demolished it. Yes, it was Skor cake. Thanks for asking. We also should have eaten Chinese food because Charles loves Chinese. We didn't. Oh well, there's always next year.

Tiny Gangsta Hands or A Spirit of Fear

There have been many periods in my life when I have let fear unfettered tear through my heart. Why do I give such power to fear when it cultivates such terrifying blindness?

Have you, as I, ever sat in the darkness of night and wondered at what lies behind those shadows of fear. But soft, what beyond such filmy shadows cannot be uncovered after one, desiring sight, opens the blinded eyes erstwhile bursting with the wondrous knowledge such opening uncovers?

 And lo! I catch a glimpse!

Faithless as fears make us, here is a list of unfounded fears and what I learned from blasting them into space, then walking confidently into the light. Let us banish such trolls and periwinkle killers of light, growth, and development. You have no power over me, fear! I take no part in your ugliness and evil designs over my happiness.

1. Thumb sucking- I was quite sure my life would not go on without my nighttime comfort routine. And yet, here I am. Surprise! I stopped that business in 2nd grade and am still going strong. Although once or twice, I did try putting my thumb back in there, just to see if it was as good as I remembered it being. Nope, still just a thumb.

2. College- After deciding I had to go to BYU, due to tradition and a few exceptional fellows I had met that had gone to said school, I had some bouts of worry about not getting in. Thanks Trigonometry. You are the worst! I did not get an A in that class, but I did cry about it quite a bit. I spit on you, fears about not getting into college. I got there, I graduated, and I married a master of math.

3. Food- Strangely, on my mission, I had an overwhelming aversion to continually eating beans and eggs. There came a day in which I decided just couldn't do it anymore. I thereby transferred to eating mostly fruit for every meal. I feared I would never have any desire to anything besides fruit again. Look at me now, trouncing any food I can get my hands on.

4. Mission- I had several gaping worries about serving a mission. I'd heard they were really tough and I cried quite a bit during and after my mission. I'm not sure what the central fear was, but part of it was my inability to see what hardships lay ahead. Being unable to plan for them beforehand was another part. Despite learning a new language, having some hard times, and being surrounded at all times by cockroaches, I am still alive. And may I say it, better off by more than half.

5. Hair- When I was younger, I had many crying times dealing with my hair. I often worried that I looked too masculine because of how it was cut. I would then cut it again, style it times a million, and sob pitiably about how terrible it looked to anyone who would listen- whether they cared or not. I have finally figured out that braids solve any problem a person could ever have with their hair. If your hair is long enough to braid, and you're a female, you should do it. Oh yes, and I discovered hair spray.

6. Marriage- I have been boy crazy since birth. I'm positive most of you know what I'm talking about. I had crushes on every boy I ever met. And yet, somehow, I married the coolest, most perfect man I could have ever designed for myself. What are the odds of that happening? In fact, he has often told me he didn't marry me in spite of my craziness, he married me because of it. Now that's love.

7. Babies- If you do not understand this fear, you are a taco. How could having a baby grow inside of you not be terrifying? Especially with sickness and bigness to boot. I'm not having a baby tomorrow, but someday I will. The only way I can possibly go through with making a tiny person come from inside of my own self, like an alien in some horror movie, is by looking at pictures like this and hearing stories from my family members about their own adorable kids.

This is a Baby

8. People Loss- Also known as death. If this doesn't scare you, you are not a people. And yet it is a part of our Heavenly Father's plan for us.

9. Armageddon- Can you feel it? I feel it. Maybe store some food. Definitely store water. Some matches, candles, fuel, guns, flashlights, toilet paper. Someday. 

10- Two Front Teeth Lossaphobia- I've always been afraid I'm going to fall down the stairs and knock out my two front teeth. I have no idea where that unfounded fear crops from, but it has never been a habit of mine to fall down stairs. I'm just nervous I will, and therefore always go downstairs holding the railing. Such is my wisdom.

11. Money- I've always had enough. Why do you cramp my style fear? We're pretty much millionaires over here. 

Now that I've told on fear, it can just flit away. I may still eat fruit and get haircuts, but frankly, it's not my problem anymore.

Ah how much I appreciate you-

In all honesty, I'm going to write this out and hope I'm not absent minded enough to post it before it's time. However, I wanted to write this before the... Mazel Tov on Your Bar Mitzvah! Which was the cover name for the Facebook Event whereby people were invited to the secret surprise birthday party for my silly sister Bonnie and my sweet husband Charles.

First off, I'd like to thank Ale, Stacy and Stacey for helping me coordinate the event. Also, a thank you to my parents who donated some fun money to help make it a little more fun.

Secondly, I'd like to say it was a sweet success, but I have no idea, since the party doesn't happen for three more days. There are a couple snags that could make it go less than perfect.

1. The rafting trip. I started planning this party in June. Could whoever planned that trip not have made it the next weekend? Hello!

2. Bonnie said she'd only for sure go if Charles and I went rafting. Charles, who also doesn't know about the party, wants to see lots of our friends/family that day instead of rafting.

3. If Bonnie doesn't come to her own surprise party, since she and Charles have neither ever had a surprise birthday party, it's going to be funny, but not so funny.

Honestly, Charles could already know about this party. There were a couple times I was sure he'd seen something. Times I thought I was had:

1. Anytime he checked my phone. He was very thorough this month checking texts, emails, and all Facebook messages. Suspicious much, Birthday Detective?

2. Facebook alerts. They are bad secret keepers over there. I tried hiding all sorts of notifications and it only worked on half of them. Come on Facebook! I'm doing ok keeping this secret, why can't you?

3. When my mom said, "Have fun with your little..sweet husband over there." She said it while signing off from Skype after I'd told my family about the surprise birthday party. I'm sure she almost said "with your little party." Charles was like "What was that about?" All I said, "Well, you know my mom. Who knows?" Ha, whew...that was a close one.

I also made some anniversary peanut butter cups, then hid those in the freezer. I don't know if there's any chance he won't see them. He only has 3 days to not see them, but he has a comprehensive knowledge of all the treats in our house. So after creating such treats, I then packed them away into freezer ziplock bags and washed all the dishes.

I made almond butter cups to, so I could eat them with him. Then we can be treat buddy eaters. I even went so far as to make a cover up treat, so he wouldn't smell the peanut butter. It turned out to be unnecessary, because he came home at 10:30 instead of 9, so the smell was mostly gone. However, I think he was grateful for the snack. Hard life, you know?

And now, it has passed and Bonnie and Charles were ultimately surprised! Surprise! Now, where's all the cake?

Pre-Anniversary Post-

I write this in hopes that it will come out in a timely manner instead of after the fact. Actually, there's little chance of this getting posted Sunday, since we're traveling that day and are cancelling our internet at home- double jeopardy.

Why are we canceling our home internet? We think it is ludicrous to be charged $60 a month for internet. Especially since we only ever use the wifi on Sundays to skype family. It changed over from $30 a month today. So we've decided to forgo this luxury for the time being. Thanks for upping the rates Charter. It gives us some spare change with which to barter for such essentials as food and qtips.

Anniversary of 2 years

Treats- let them eat cake. Or pie. Or waffles. Whichever you have on hand I suppose.
Garden- roughly. It's more of a wisp of the idea of a garden with many flies inhabiting our compost.
Projects- Edwina our fantastic robot and the refrigerator box in our bedroom. How I love that box. And now it's gone. Hallelujah!
Goats- To dream and yet to never live the dream. That's living. With goats, that's living the dream.
Brussell Sprouts- in the microwave
Cans- Food of the future
Movies- If you didn't like them before, you're getting your fill now. You're welcome!

Listed out, this speaks of true love! Happy (late) Anniversary to my one true love!

And Happy (late) Birthday to Emmett Indiana- Who was named after the dog.

Today on It Really Steams my Bacon:

There is a person!! Nay, multiple people who have been parking in our assigned parking spot at our apartment complex. Seriously people? Last week it was some kid visiting his mom with his friends. Last night at midnight, it was our new neighbor's boyfriend.

Did Charles knock on her door only to have the peephole darkened twice, whilst no person opened the door? Yes. Did our landlady answer the phone even though she was asleep and out of town? Yes she did. I was uber embarrassed about that part. Charles saw her light on, so he thought she was awake. Maybe it was her tv? Anyway, we couldn't call on our own behalf. Apparently, to get a person towed, your landlord has to call the tow company. I understand the laws made to limit such things, but it's getting frustrating always having a person in our designated spot.

Is it so much to ask to have a neighbor who doesn't talk to you, but also doesn't have people parking in your spot? At least when Betty Joe's friends parked there, they had the decency to be embarrassed about it and then they would move. Honestly, if I could, I would park in front any car in my spot. If it didn't block the whole parking lot, I would totally do it. Then they'd have to knock on my door to leave their spot. Idiots. Just in case you were wondering how I feel about that situation.

As an aside, it would make me feel better if there was no other parking anyplace in the lot, but there are lots of available spots anytime that are unmarked. It just comes down to laziness and selfishness. Next time I'm putting drugs in the wheel wells and calling the police on them. Do you think advil would stay better or tylenol? I only have 2 ibuprofin tablets left and I'm going to need those in a couple weeks. Wink.

Anyway, next time any of you park in my spot, I'm just calling my landlady immediately to get the tow truck. I want these people to learn a valuable lesson. It's called consequences and ends with you paying $50 to get your car back because you were too lazy to walk 10 more feet to your girlfriend or mom's house. Alright, vent closed for the day. Until next time on It Really Steams My Bacon...

Charles and I are having fun with our summer break from scouts. I miss them a little bit, but am enjoying seeing them at church and not having to boss them around without results. I guess that's how parents feel once school starts every fall. Ah, I see.

I have thought a bit about water lately, because our city sent us some flyers last week about how we only have 3 more years of water left for everyone. I would love to store some water to hedge against that eventuality. However, we don't have access to a swimming pool-sized room to store a lake of water in for just us, which is unfortunate because water is important.

We are going to be taking inventory of some of our preparatives for the El Niño storm which has been projected for this winter. Rain would be nice. Flooding, not so nice. Anyway, our bed is on stilts, so if we have to reenact Winnie the Pooh and the Blustery Day, we'll be sleeping above most of the water. Something to look forward to.

I've talked lately with multiple people about the importance of preparedness and have realized how behind we are, but we're getting a little better. In fact, I think Charles would like for me to grow my hair long again so we could always be sure to have candle wicks. So I'm working on that.

So now you know, we're preparing for all manner of things and it sounds like we need to restock on important things like ibuprofin. Just in case the visiting sharks get cramps while they're trying to eat us.

Congratulations Racquel on your new beautiful baby! Happy Birthday Meghan! You are super sweet! I hope you had an excellent birthday celebration!

Looking into the past and future-

When I was in college, I ate a lot of burritos. Now when I say I ate a lot of burritos, I mean I ate burritos every..single...day for months. In fact, I believe I ate many such items throughout my college and post college years.

Nate will even tell you that one time I cried to him in Budge Hall about eating burritos all the time and then he took me to get some other kinds of food. He has always been a kind friend. I did try to buy a giant block of cheddar cheese in that instance, probably for burritos, which was like $20, that we put back.

So that's the past. And today for lunch, I had a burrito. Unfortunately, and you know this, when you get burritos in bulk they just can't be as good. So we got a million from Chipotle for work and it was different. I ate it, I liked it, but it was always strange. Except I love me some free burritos, so what's the problem here?

Anyway, I'm spoiled and I'm taking one home for the other guy. The one who makes me dinner every night and curls my toes with chocolate chip cookies covered in homemade pudding, sandwiched with another cookie, covered in ganache.

And that's why we don't have nice things. Mmm. Ganache covered computers. Don't do this at home!

Paddington-

Charles and I recently had the good fortune to get Paddington from the library. I remember liking the book when I was younger and the reviews were good. I will give it 4 out of 5 stars. Actually, on IMDB I gave it 8 out of 10. The great thing about that movie is you don't have to be a kid to enjoy watching it. There were many cool inventor things and it flowed very well. I enjoyed it immensely and think it's a great family movie.

Gee hosafat, I almost got in a wreck this week. That was not my favorite. I was turning right at an intersection, the lane I was turning into was empty, and then I turned. In this fantastic moment, an older woman changed lanes in the middle of the intersection, straight for me. I swerved into a curb and got a chunk out of my back tire, but she didn't hit me. Wonder of wonders that her death stare didn't kill me either. She is dumb. How dare she switch lanes in the middle of an intersection. How dare she?! Doesn't she know it's illegal in some states and she could have gotten cited by a policeman for dangerous driving?

Anyway, I was distraught afterwards because of it. Then Charles took the car in to get a new tire and they told us it is a better idea to buy two new tires. Seriously people? Blah. However, we just got our car new last year, so I don't want to damage my car by only buying one new. I hate car replacement stuff.

I started and finished the book "Finnikin of the Rock". 5 stars. It was so good. Interesting, not doggedly long, and quite the page turner. So yes, I would recommend it.

This week, my charming husband made food for us every day for dinner! Those leftovers turn into lunches my friends, and he does a great job. Poor Charles, he gets a break from school, and then he has to turn into Cinderella.

Well, someday our roles will be switched, so he's trying to establish some truths now, while I'm the working individual. He's always telling me to read and relax while he makes me food and washes the dishes. See, he's so sneaky. I see what's going on here, husband.

Anyway, the spider in the kitchen disappeared. Probably because it was also reading my blog and knew what was coming his way. See: shoe.

Father's Day is coming up. It's Sunday. Just so you know, you ought to send your Dad a card for this day. He's a cool guy. Well, my Dad's pretty cool. 

In other news, my wedding ring keeps making my finger all rashy. I got it cleaned in April for the same thing. I don't know why, but it's not cool. It's actually raised, red, and pretty warm. Got that rash? Not cool.

Charles and I have been busy interspersing movies with Edwina. Edwina is our robot. She's taking the place of our sweet neighbor Betty Joe, who moved. Poor sweet Betty Joe, who we would have to sneak into our house quietly every night to avoid, so she didn't open her door and talk our ears off. Ears are hard work to grow back.

This fancy machine is called Edwina. She is Charles' robot. This activity was called the Love-O-Meter. You had to kiss the paper and the machine would tell you if you had hot lips. Apparently, I did not. So we blew on it. Even after becoming a breathless and dizzy, we barely upped the hot-lovin' index. Next on the list, being a cool cat. We're up for the challenge. 

Charles absolutely loves Edwina. She has not been neglected and is very versatile. When given the choice between hooking up our robot or watching a movie, I would say we liberally swap.

Speaking of watching movies, Charles and I just got a new tv. Thanks Mario, Windham, and Chelsea! It works great and actually turns on and off when you push power, instead of changing the volume and doing other fancy things like that. Luckily, it had not yet lost the button inside the console, like our tv at my parent's house. You'd have to poke your pinkie into the hole and hope it didn't get stuck inside every time you turned the television on or off. Woot for magical memories.

Speaking of magical. Big News: Last night, Charles used tweezers to grab a feisty bug that was halfway sticking out from our light fixture thingamajig in our bathroom. He grabbed it and flushed it with skill and gusto. The big news is Charles is a Bug KILLING Wizard! Woot! Check that off my dream list 1. Marry an exterminator. Ugh, gives me the shivers just thinking about that creepy bug. 

Mr. Cho, there's a spider in the kitchen. Did you see it? It's by the oven, in case you didn't see it. I'm calling Charlotte to tell her she'd better get added to her cousin's will, because he's on his way out. 

Strawberries-

You love 'em. I love 'em.

Movie- The Congress- 1 out of 10
It was so bad. Do not ever watch it. Language, naked cartoons- whence we finally turned it off. It's not rated, but it's not good. Anyway, also weird and boring. So yeah, even though somehow it won lots of awards, don't bother.

Movie- Bella- 7 out of 10
Enjoyable, interesting, and had a sweet ending.

I just read eating green salad from green plates would make me want to eat more of it. That's why I eat so much white stuff- because our plates at home are white. What? I haven't yet read about brown plates, but I feel that may explain why I eat so many brownies, but only when they're served on brown plates. Makes sense.

I have the hunger man. So hungry today. It must be the ants in our closet. Yes, we have ants in our closet. They came in loads in December. Then we put out some poison. They take it to their nest and then we see them not again for a time. Like April. So we put out some more poison and we have a slow trickle of ants- way better than the outpouring received right after the poison was set. They were everywhere and it totes creeped me out.

Also, since I wrote this a while ago, and just realized it has been drafting for a while, I will add there is now a green/yellow spot forming on the ceiling of our walk-in closet. It somehow doesn't surprise me, since another person told me ants look for water during droughts just like other living things. So hopefully our landlady will not let our closet ceiling cave in on us. We shall see.

I also am imagining a giant mound of dead ant bodies gradually growing in size and rotting in that exact spot. I'll let you know which one it actually turns out to be.

We went to the Farmer's Market with Holly, Jack and Sammy. This is a real jungle gym made of bike rims.

This is the picture I made them take because they said Steam Alley didn't exist. Here's my proof along with all the skeptics. 

Sammy and Charles in Gum Alley. Mmmm. Chewy.

We the people in Gum Alley. Look how good we look! Wow, the gum is almost dimmed by our presences.

A salad I spilled in the back of my car. Luckily it went on the floor and didn't yet have any dressing on it. Whew! That was a close one.

Saturday Charles and I helped two families in our ward move. I found out one of the ladies is a book agent! What? I missed that chance because I am too lame to talk to new people? Anyway, perhaps I can yet woo her skills with my rhetoric. If anything comes of it, don't forget to buy my book. I will sign it for free!

Oops, it's June-

Sorry folks, my life got a little busier at work in May and I rarely go online after work. Why would I stare at the same alien light during the night that I do every day for 8 hours? I'd much rather watch movies after work. Irony noted.

Now, here we are, blogging and stuff. Today for lunch, I have stroganoff (My spellcheck wishes to change this word to strongman. Permission denied, spellcheck) and enchiladas. Not together. I wouldn't. However, apart, yes I would.

Congratulations to all my lovely friends getting engaged, married, babied, and dogs. Your lives are full. I feel you.

I would like to tell you about two important things that have happened in my life recently. Whoa. Ok, here goes.

1. I have decided the papaya diet is the best cleanser there is. If you want some kind of body cleanse, to clean you out, eat a whole bunch of papaya. It does taste like honey fruit, but if you can just get past that and eat it, you will experience a special kind of cleanse.

It's a wonderful thing I noticed on my mission. I got sick of eating beans and scrambled eggs all the time and moved over to eating papaya and watermelon for meals. It was awesome.

Now, to get a good papaya, go to the fruit section and select the oldest, most rotten looking fruit you can find. Well, try not to pick one that's too sickly looking, but honestly those are the ripest, most delicious picks, so you should definitely just take your chances.

Take it home, slice the peel off the outside like you would a giant apple, and take ALL the seeds out. Don't eat them. They are yucky. Then, slice up that mama pizza and eat it like you would cantaloupe. Eat loads of it. Then, you will not see it again until tomorrow. You will know what I'm talking about. And that, my friends, is science.

2. Our friend Fred died. Well, the spider living behind our plunger, who we always assumed was a man spider, but was found spinning together a giant egg sac in plain sight. Now, I'm totes ok with a spider feeding on silverfish behind our plunger.

What I'm not ok with, is millions of wicked looking spiders taking over my house. I've seen that movie. So I texted my personal assassin yesterday and told him to "Take Fred OUT". And he did. He asked if I wanted to say goodbye, and I said no. Firstly, I was reading and I'm almost done with Wheel of Time book 11. Secondly, and I repeat myself, I've seen that movie. I didn't want Fred leaping affectionately onto my face once he/she saw the goodbye look in my eyes.

So Charles killed Fred. And flushed Fred's egg sac. With all the millions of baby demon spiders with him. My one regret was I never saw the top of that spider, which I'm assuming was poisonous and deadly, but now I can never prove it. Blast.

So now you know all the juicy details of my life. You are welcome.

The eater of silverfish-

He lives behind the plunger.

I hope he's not a towel lunger.

I named him Sven 

and watch him creep from my perch on the porcelain. 

I almost killed him once and thought, "I can do him one better."

He has wicked legs and in memory pegs, some imaginings of master Shredder.

I have an overwhelming need

 to make sure he doesn't breed.

In my house 

like a mouse

I'll make him a sweater, 

that silverfish go getter

Sven, my friend, my leggy trout, 

YOU FREAK ME OUT! I want to shout.

And then I pout 

about Sven in my head and his clout.

He eats the silverfish in my house

and thus I tell my spouse..

Wait for the shout, 

when the guy with the clout 

goes towel hopping 

for the freakout chopping. 

It's coming. 

Therefore, I increase my humming.

"AGH! Spider, on my arm!" I splutter.

Then less flamboyently I notice. "It's a piece of moss," I mutter.

So friends who visit my house, 

we house no mouse. Just Sven the louse.

Whose crime is only catching silverfish.

"I hope he never climbs my towel" my ever so fervent wish.

Which more do I dread? The spider or the silverfish?

Off with his head! Hand me a dish!

Poor Sven of the guild silver-catcher-fish.

One day I'm sure he will go squish.

Towel lunging is his passion. 

I agree in my heart after a fashion.

I cannot release my ultimate dread,

of Sven going towel jumping in my head.

Movies and the Cheat-

Don't Miss

Delivery Man- About a man who fathers, through a sperm bank, 533 kids. They file a suit to find out his identity. It was hilarious and family friendly. 8

The Grand Seduction- This movie wasn't one I was too interested in watching, but I'm glad I did. It's about a town that tries to seduce a doctor into loving their town. I enjoyed it and thought for the most part it was very appropriate. The introduction and conclusion raised our eyebrows, but it was a fun movie overall. 7

Away From Her- A touching story about the progression of Alzheimer's disease. It was sad, but also informative. 7

Ok to Miss

Get On Up- The James Brown Story- I heard it was supposed to be good, but it was lame. Lots of inappropriate content shoved in there. I suppose it gave the impressions they wanted about James Brown, but it had a lot of confusing time warps as well. 4

Time After Time- I heard this was a classic. Perhaps I needed to watch it during the 70's to really enjoy it. I usually enjoy time traveler movies, but this was pretty lame. Sorry fans, not my fav. 3

Introducing... a baby bird, a goat, and an elephant seal

This looks like a baby bird sitting on a nut. I actually was trying to make a baby hedgehog, but it looked more like a blue bird. So I took off the pink thing under his beak and added little lacy bird legs. I forgot to take a picture of it afterwards.

This goat I made for a guy at work. Everyone always talks about getting his goat. So I made him a goat and now they're passing it around. I'm pleased with how it turned out. One of the designers from work, Dave, said they were great and I should sell them. Actually, he wants one and we're going to do some type of trade next week.

This beautiful elephant seal actually looked like the elephant guy who turns Luke in to the storm troopers on episode 6. I found out his name is Garindan. Grant, there's a middle name for Hansel.

That's the life in SLO, watching movies and making fancy animals.

Currying flavor-

Thanks for all your expertise Charles. You did an excellent job on our flavorful leftover, non-leftover lunch. Yesterday we made a bunch of food for the week, Sundays are a good day to plan, and we ate so many chocolate chip cookies during our family Skype call, we weren't hungry for our curry dinner even at 8:30 PM. So Charles put it all into leftover containers, and I...well what was I doing anyway?

I was probably being surly- I'm in my surly phase of the month- and organizing. Oh yeah, I was organizing. I put the birdcage above my clothes and put my church clothes away. Yay me! Look what I can do!

Saturday was a chill day. Saturday after the women's conference I attended, we went over to our friends' the Krafts for dinner. Thanks for dinner Krafts! We had a good message from the missionaries, talked about the short movie made around the poem "The Touch of the Master's Hand". It took us a while to find it, then it wasn't complete. So here's the full version.

We also played 13 Dead End Drive. Now that's a fun game. Turns out Ashley loves animals and Steven is exceptionally sly. We should have figured, due to their last name, but we were stunned and amazed as he killed all the heirs, waltzed through the mansion, and left with a billion million dollars in pocket change. Nicely done Steven. Craftily done Kraft.

Amy, what did you do to your face and why can't the sun touch it?

Joshy came home this week from Chile. He is still chilly in Missouri and got a construction job at our own house. I hear it's to be finished in May. Sounds like Epic Christmas to me. We shall see.

We did some laundry Thursday- thank goodness. Our dirty hampers were really smelly. I put two shirts in my sewing pile- seems like the epitome of laziness is catching up with me. The clothes are still good, I just don't wear them and am too lazy to take them to a second hand store. Soon to be a fancy animal? It's possible. Pig. Or more likely, it will begin a pig and end a duck-billed platypus. That's how things work.

Miss Miss and Aman, I thought about you this weekend. Oh the good times. Remember how we made Valentines and dropped them on people's doorsteps? Yeah crushes! Man, I have so many stories of me being a weirdo. I hope my kids are weird. I'd love to share all my great ideas- especially the ones I never tried- like hiding in the bushes South of campus just to surprise that guy who doesn't know you, but who you feel should know you- you've thought about him enough.

Poor Charles missed out on a lot of my weirdness in college. I'm trying to fill him in, but I don't think he'll ever get the full scope. Here's to the future!

Wednesday we are having a RS activity called My Favorite Things. Everyone is bringing their favorite whatever (food, eye cream, nail polish) and then leaving with someone else's favorite thing- they're drawing them out of a hat.  I know you'll never guess what I'm bringing, so I'll tell you. I'm going to bring..the hedgehog. I know a couple people who love hedgehogs, but it's my favorite thing to do with my extra materials, and I haven't made anything recently, so that's what I'm bringing to the table. I'll probably end up with someone's favorite food- ramen noodles.

Make a Fairy Garden and bring it. That's what I want, people. 

Haircuts-

When I was about 6, my sister Sarah and I had about the same length hair except hers was always a little bit longer. She would tell me to get my hair cut when she got hers cut so mine would never be longer.

I'm going bald. Well, I got another haircut, so my hair now according to Charles, is very short. I couldn't handle the straight across cut- it wasn't working for me. Also, I'm pretty picky about my hair when it gets cut. So I decided to get some layers. They are different from the layers I usually get, so I'm getting used to them. You know how haircuts go. I like my haircut, but I'm also getting used to it.

I needed some style in this business. I need layers to interest me in actually styling my hair instead of just leaving it to its own devices every day. And so, here's the cut.

 Sarah told me my hair needed a trim. In her mind. Charles thanks you. In his mind.

Popcorn the Stork-

Marriage is lovely. So is Charles. Homework is hard. Sorry you have to do it scholars. I remember having a lot of homework assignments and falling asleep while trying to study. I remember falling asleep a lot while I was trying to pay attention in class. I remember falling asleep during church and on my couch during movie watches in the middle of the day. My sleep void never lightened from black. And now, as I go to bed at 10 pm each night and wake up at 7, I think on all the sleep I didn't get in college. Or after college. Especially not during my mission- exhaustion abounds when you dart around like a raptor all day long and only get 8 hours of sleep each night.

So here I am, getting tons of sleep and wondering, what the heck is going on? Who sleeps this much? People with the sickness. Well friends, it turns out I have it. It's called Sleep Need. Yes, I need sleep. You might also have it. When I was younger, especially at slumber parties, I would try and convince myself otherwise. "Did it ever work?" you ask hopefully. "No," says Kristin, "She was always the first one asleep."

"Did you ever grow out of Sleep Need?" you humbly wonder with raised eyebrows. "No," says Charles, "Sometimes she even goes to sleep at 9 pm and gets up at 7 am. It's never over." The cure? Children. And believe you me, we're working on it. Am I having a baby? Not yet. Doesn't it take a little while to grow those? Shouldn't you get started? Well, if you must know, yes, I should. And I took the first step- I'm sleeping.

Second step? World domination and the having of babies. Thanks for asking.

Sometimes, when you get married, you are using the same amount of dough for two pizzas instead of just one pizza. So the pizzas are smaller. And everyone wants a bigger pizza. So for wedding presents, sometimes you make your friends fantastic presents instead of sending them money. Everyone loves creativity more than money. Right? Right. Hence Popcorn the Stork. He's not done yet, but he will be. What are you talking about? Storks don't eat pizza! Exactly what I'm saying over here.

And now, some random phrases.

1. You have a nice face.
2. Can I please have some chocolate cake with a gnoche cover and fudge filling?
3. Delicate precision in creation is necessary and difficult. And still, necessary.
4. If you need a cigar box for your harmonica, isn't there going to be a lot of extra space?
5. The cubital fossa is the elbow pit
6. How much moss would you need to pad a whole pillow?
7. Withering wandering gazes wither whether or not writhers wonder "Why so withering?"
8. How many toes do you actually need need?
9. Powdered sugar is made up of cornstarch and white sugar.
10. How did that button on my shoe strap break?

Katy No-Pocket-

All my lovely friends. I miss you. Believe me, I do. I'm down here in the middle of California, making new friends and thinking a lot about my old friends. Ha, just kidding. You are not old. We're just well established.

Wow, we've had some good times haven't we!? We pranked with syrup, took off doors, and talked about strangers as if we were dating them. Well, just so you know, I've been thinking about you. I know a few people here and there, and I've been thinking about all of them. You know how it is, I'm sure. Perhaps because I live by the ocean. You know about the ocean. So close, and yet I can never get to it.

That seems to be how I am with my friends. With internet, texting, phone calls, and email at my disposal, everyone is so close. Yet I can never get to catching up with you. To me, you are the ocean. I love you, I try not to take you for granted as my friend, and yet it has probably been a long time since we've talked.

I think that's why I'm ok with moving so much, because then I appreciate the wonderful friends I have in the kangaroo pockets of the world. When I say that, I am thinking of Katy Kangaroo, (spoiler) who had lots of pockets at the end of the book, into which she put all of her friends. So if you would all fit in my pockets, I would totes do that. Actually, Deane bought me a jewelry apron like that, so climb on in.

And now, a blast from the google chat past. The reason you should delve into your google chat histories often. Ha. And which of you was sneaking around in my BYU parking lot? Ya weirdo.

friend: so i saw a girl a few nights ago sneaking around your parking lot. So I bet it is the girl who is messing with your car

1:44 PM me: What do you mean sneaking around

  What is love song 311

1:45 PM and there wasn't anything on my car last night

  this morning

 friend: I mean she looked like she was up to no good.

1:46 PM me: Like she had a mask on and a blanket on her back, and some Canadian coins in her hand?

 friend: 311 is the band and love song is one of my favorite songs by them

  This was like three nights ago

1:48 PM Know mask, blanket and she was to far away from me to see if she had canadian coins. But it was like 2 clock and she ducked when I walked by

5 minutes

1:53 PM friend: if she ducked she probably didn't want people to see what she was up to

1:54 PM me: Hmmmm. True

  What did she look like, could you point her out in a ward directory?

1:55 PM friend: she was probably around 5'6-5'9 and blond hair, but it was dark out remember

1:56 PM I wasn't really looking at her because I was tired from studying late at the library

  I probably couldn't point her out in a directory

6 minutes

2:02 PM me: too bad, that would've been very detective of you

2:03 PM friend: yeah it would have been sorry I didn't catch her in the act. Next time I am over at your house I will take a look at your directory just in case I might be able to make her out

5 minutes

2:09 PM friend: Is the person still putting stuff on your car that is a pain in the butt.... to get off

11 minutes

2:20 PM friend: Lets go running tonight